What Is Love?
by L-O-A-A-C-S
Summary: See the Author's Note. Right now I don't plan on taking this past a teen rating.
1. Chapter 1

_**What is Love?**_

 **A/N: Okay, it's finally happened. I started writing a Jonnor Fanfiction. I've been wanting to do this for a while now, but I finally worked my nerve to actually do it. My inspiration for this is the Album Sound of a Woman by Kiesza. This takes place in an Alternate Universe and everything should be seen as non-cannon. This first chapter is about 1550 words long. Please, please please please let me know if you see something that should be corrected. Thanks Lovely's.**

Chapter One: I Don't Know Why You're Not There.

Jude was walking around the campus trying to clear his thoughts. He couldn't believe that it was already his first day of college and he has yet to make any friends. Although it's not like the brunette went out of his way to meet anyone. The only person he really came in contact was his dorm roommate, but he rarely stayed in with Jude.

Jude didn't like leaving his dorm however. The small living quarters was his shelter like the Adams Fosters house used to be. The brunette knew that if anything went wrong he could hide away there. The only thing stopping him from staying is that he is paying thousands of dollars to go to these dumb classes.

Honestly, he was a Creative Writing Major and he had to take a math class. Wasn't this bullshit supposed to be over in high school? Another way the college system would take your money, Jude figured.

Jude wandered trying to find the right building but soon realized that he was lost and had about 10 more minutes to get to class. The brunette stopped in his tracks and did a 360 to see if he recognized anything. Much to his dismay, he didn't.

That's when he saw the pack of students chatting near a tree. If it had been one person, he'd probably would've been fine to approach them, but there was six of them and his anxiety made it difficult to walk closer to them. All he had to do was ask where Diamond Hall was. One of the young adults made eye contact with Jude and that's all it took to scare him off.

The young female noticed him earlier looking around like he didn't know where he was but when they made eye contact, it was clear to her. She told her group to hold on and began to walk towards Jude, who was walking the away from the group.

"Hey!" She yelled to Jude, who didn't turn around.

"Is she talking to me?" Jude mumbled to himself. He began to look over his shoulder but the girl was already at his side. "Whoa." Jude managed to say.

"Hey," The young female was very pretty with long hair that went to the middle of her back. "you look lost. Where are you going?"

Jude stared at the girl for a little bit. "Oh I'm not lost, I'm just…" Jude stopped lying, he couldn't make an excuse for what he was doing.

"Oh well, if you're not lost."

"I'm trying to get to Diamond Hall." Jude grumbled to the girl, which in turn made the girl give the biggest grin.

"Okay," The girl grabbed Jude's shoulders and turned him around. "That building over there is Diamond Hall." Jude sighed as he saw that it was still a good distance away.

"Thanks, uh."

"Taylor." She spoke quickly.

"Right, thanks Taylor." Jude began walking towards Diamond Hall.

"What's your name!?" She yelled before he could get too far away.

"Jude." The brunette responded only loud enough for her to hear.

"Well, see ya around Jude!"

"See ya." Jude responded at this point speed walking towards the building.

Jude looked over his shoulder once he thought he was far enough away and saw the girl talking to her friends again.

Jude made his way to the Diamond Hall and to the classroom but found that no one was there. The room was dark and when he stepped inside, the lights turned on. Jude was now confused and stepped out the classroom to see if there was a sign or a letter or anything that would've told him where the class was.

Jude started to panic as his breathing became unsteady. This isn't happening. First he was late and now he was lost. Jude walked back into the classroom and took a seat to calm himself. The young brunette read once that he needs to take control of his surroundings if he starts having a panic attack and that's what he tried doing.

First he grabbed onto the desk in front of him, touch. Then he sniffed the air taking in the scent, only smelling his cologne. Then he went to taste, only tasting the minty aftertaste of his toothpaste. Then he opened his eyes to look at the whiteboard. That's when he saw the message on the wall.

"Class has been moved to Diamond 214." Jude said to himself, jumping out of his seat to run out the door. "Shit." Jude knew he was late already, but this made him even more anxious knowing that the attention would be on him once he reached the correct room.

As he ran down the steps, he almost tripped over his shoelaces that were now loose. He stopped because he thought that would draw attention to him, he retied the shoelaces. "Okay," Jude mumbled again. "get a grip Jude."

Jude opened the door to the second floor and walked quickly. He saw that the even numbers were on the right side so he only looked to the right. "220, 218, 216, 214, 212." Jude passed his class and quickly turned around. "214." Jude took a breath and knocked on the closed door.

The professor, walked to the door and opened it after seeing the young man.

"You must be Mr. Adams Foster." The professor said to him.

"Yes sir, I'm sorry I'm late…" The man put a hand to him.

"It's the first day, you're okay, please take a seat." The older man let his hand flow through the air to signify that he could sit anywhere.

"Thanks." Jude walked in and saw a few seats open. If he was honest he didn't want to sit next to anyone, but there wasn't really that option so he went to the second row of the classroom and walked up an empty chair. "Can I sit here?" The young brunette asked the female next to the spot.

"It's a free country." She spoke harshly.

"Okay?" Jude sat down and took a second glance at the blacked hair girl.

"Here pass this to Jude." Jude heard his name and he saw the professor handing something to the boy in front of him. The sandy haired boy turned around and gave a shy smile towards Jude along with the paper the professor gave to him.

"Thanks." Jude spoke to the young man in front of him.

"No prob." Was all that came out of his mouth and he quickly turned back around to face the professor.

"Okay, so let's end today's class by introducing ourselves." The professor said with a big grin.

All of Jude's thoughts became a jumbled mess. He couldn't introduce himself, not in front of all the people in here. Jude looked around the room and saw all the different faces as they began introducing themselves, beginning in the front row.

When it was the sandy haired boys turn he turned around to look at everyone. "My name is Connor Stevens, I'm a freshman, I'm here because of a baseball scholarship, uh." The boy identified as Connor took a breath. "I really don't know what I want to do yet. But that's what college is for right?"

A couple of the students in the class said yeah, or right. Then it was Jude's turn. The young man took a breath and tried pulling the best smile he could.

"Hi, my na-name is Jude Adams Fost-Foster." He stuttered as everyone was looking at him. "Uh, um, I'm a freshman and I want to be a creat-." Jude paused, did he want to admit he wanted to be a creative writer. Out of everything he could choose from, was it creative writing. "I want to get some degree in business, or something." Jude quietly added or something at the end lying to the class.

The black haired girl rolled her eyes and spoke loudly. Jude wasn't listening however, he thought that her name might be Dalilah or Daria, but he was too preoccupied by his thoughts.

After the last person presented Jude gathered his items and put them in his back pack. He let almost everyone leave the room before he started to get up.

"Hey," The Connor guy said to Jude.

"Hi." Jude responded shyly. Jude couldn't look at this guy for more than two seconds because of his beauty. He had a ripped body, perfect hair and the shirt to flaunt his muscles. Jude knew he was gay, but looking at this piece of heaven, he knew for sure he was a thousand percent gay.

"Are you any good at math?" Connor said meekly to Jude.

"A little, why?"

"Do you want a homework partner?" Connor said with the kindest smile.

"Oh, uh, I don't think I'm that good." Jude replied too scared to accept his offer.

"It's cool, let me know next class though if you reconsider." Connor grabbed his items and was about to leave. "My names Connor by the way."

"I remember." Jude responded.

"Oh right, we introduced ourselves." Connor gave a small laugh. "See ya next week Jude." Connor turned around and walked away.

"Bye." Jude said with a small smile. The way Connor said his name gave him butterflies. "Next week." Jude had a bigger smile on his face.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay guys, we made it to chapter two! I hope you guys are liking this so far because I know I am! Let's gooooooooo into another day into the Jonnor Universe! (A side, side note, this is an Alternate Universe (if you can't tell)) This is about 1720 words long. Enjoy**

Chapter Two: I Gave You My Love, But You Just Don't Care.

After class Jude went to the school's library. Here he knew he could escape the craziness of college. He sat down with his Algebra book and began looking through the content. "This should be easy." Jude muttered to himself. But the further he got into the book the more confused the content became. "Never mind." Jude let out a long sigh.

Even though the professor hasn't assigned the homework yet, the syllabus showed that he had a homework assignment due in two weeks and he wanted to get a head start on this college business. Jude had great intentions of succeeding in college, but he was scared. This was the first time he's been away from his moms and he was really worried that it won't go well.

Jude's mind kept wondering away from the homework and decided that he would give up for now. He put his stuff away and left the library after the short 15 minutes he was there. He pulled his phone out to see that it was 12:36 and he had about an hour and a half until his next class starts.

Jude started dialing a phone number that he knew very well. When he put the phone to his ear, he heard two rings before someone answered.

"Jude?" The sweet voice on the other side answered.

"Hey Mom!" Jude spoke confidently. "Is Momma with you?"

"Let me get her." Stef said, Jude heard some shuffling in the background. "Okay, Momma is here."

"Hey Jude."

"The Beatles." Stef and Jude said at the same time making them all laugh.

"I just wanted to let you guys know that I made it past my first class." Jude said to his loving parents.

"Oooo." Lena cooed. "How was it?"

"What was it?" Stef asked.

"It was okay, it's my Algebra class. The professor seems pretty cool."

"That's good, love"

"So did you find, what does Marianna call it?" Stef took a pause. "Did you find a bae?" This made Jude laugh.

"I can't believe you just uttered those words Mom."

"Hey, I'm still in with the cool kids."

"Yeah, keep lying to yourself hunny." Lena spoke up this time.

"I agree with Momma." Jude spoke before Stef could say anything else.

"Well fine, but did you find anyone?" Stef said in her loving tone.

Jude never dated anyone in middle school or high school. Jude had it hard enough trying to make friends, and being the gay kid at school.

"No mom. I just started!" Jude stressed 'started.'

"Right, what was I thinking?" Stef replied.

"Well we want to know if you find anyone okay love?"

"Momma, mom, you two will be the first to know."

"Even before Callie?" Stef asked.

"Yes even before Callie." Jude had a big grin on his face. "I'm gonna go, I love you moms!"

"We love you too!" The Mothers called at the same time, shortly after Jude took the phone away from his ear and looked at the time again. 12:47. Jude let a sigh escape from his lips and he began walking to his dorm.

On his way to the dorm he saw the Connor kid walking with Taylor and the girl from his math class with the black hair. Whom he still couldn't remember if it was Dalilah or Daria. Jude didn't know if he should say hey or not, his moms would've wanted him to make friends. Jude stopped walking and thought a bit staring at the other students.

"No." Jude muttered to himself. He was going to avoid them until he absolutely needed to see them again. So the brunette decided that he was going to take a scenic route to avoid them. Which would've been a great idea if he knew where he was. "How am I lost again?" Jude muttered again. He looked behind him and there was the library, and then Diamond Hall next to the library. "Fuck."

Jude turned again this time looking at the direction of the group of students. That's when he saw it. He saw Connor kiss Daria. It was a quick peck but he still saw it. "All the hot ones are straight aren't they?" Jude rolled his eyes and walked closer to the group. Taylor spotted him first.

"Jude!" Taylor exclaimed. "Guys this is…"

"Jude." The black haired girl finished her sentence. "Yeah, he sat next to me in math class."

"Right," Jude replied. "Hey Dalilah." This made Connor and Taylor laugh.

"My names Daria." She spoke flatly.

"Oh." Jude felt small. "Sorry Daria." That's when Connor caught Jude's eye. He was staring at Jude with a playful smile on his face.

"My girlfriend isn't in the best of moods." Connor finally said which made Daria look at her. "Apparently she's mad at me." Daria rolled her eyes.

"If you distract me in my math class then we're going to have a problem." Daria jabbed her index finger into Connor.

"I mean, I'm already pretty distracting, just look at me." Connor replied.

"Oh shut it you two." Taylor walked closer to Jude. "Love birds." Taylor shrugged which Jude gave a small smile again.

"I'm sorry to bother you again Taylor, but…"

"You're not a bother Jude." She said with a smile.

"Ohhhhhh Taylor likes Jude!" Connor yelled from behind her as Jude turned red as a tomato.

"Shut it!" Taylor yelled back. "What were you saying Jude?"

"I'm kind of lost, again." This only made Taylor laugh and Jude stared at the ground.

"You really don't have a sense of direction do you?" Taylor put her hand on Jude's shoulder. "Okay kiddo, where are we going?"

"We?" Jude said quietly.

"Yeah I need to get away from these Love Birds because they're making me sick." Taylor smiled brightly. Jude was pretty sure he heard Connor mumble something along the lines of 'Get some Taylor' which only made Daria hit his arm. "Don't worry, I won't hit on you." Her smile was playful.

"Well I'm trying to get to my dorm."

"Oh which dorm?" Connor spoke this time.

"Um." Jude really didn't know.

"This is an A and B conversation Connor." Taylor spoke to Connor matter of factly.

"I know it's over there somewhere." Jude pointed to about 8 different buildings in the general direction. "Maybe Blue Dorm?" Jude shrugged.

"Well Blue Dorm is that one right there." She pointed to a dorm that wasn't on the list of buildings that Jude pointed at. "It has the blue triangle on it." She moved her hand to show off the triangle.

"Oh." Jude looked at the building and sighed. "How do you know so much already?" This response only made Taylor laugh.

"Connor, Daria and I all went here for a couple of classes in high school." Taylor grabbed Jude's arm and started walking towards the dorm. "Come on I'll walk you back to your dorm."

"Okay." Jude kept thinking about what Connor said about 'Taylor getting some.' "Um, Taylor."

"Yeah buddy?" She said with a smile.

"Uh, um, uh I don't know how to say thi-this." Jude stuttered over his words.

"Is this about what Connor said?" Taylor smile was growing. "You're cute Jude, really, but you're not my type."

"You're not mine either." Jude didn't completely lie, but he sighed knowing that was off his shoulders.

"It's cool, you're totally into Connor." Taylor spoke like she was the smartest women ever.

"WHAT?!" Jude must of yelled really loudly because Taylor let go of her grip and jumped.

"Jesus, dude. You scared the shit out of me." Taylor stared at him. "Dude you were totally eyeing him up."

"I was not!" Jude defended himself arms crossing now.

"You definitely were. Don't bother yourself with him though. He's a total fuck boy." Taylor waved her hand back and forth while she was speaking. "He and Daria aren't really an item. They just kiss and have sex every now and then. Both of them have sex with whoever they want."

"I didn't really want to know that Taylor." Jude looked grossed out.

"Right sorry. My best friends are kind of weird." Taylor rolled her eyes.

"Do you like Daria?" Jude spoke calmly.

"What would make you say that?" Taylor asked shyly. "Did I do something that would make you think that?"

Jude really has no reasoning behind it. He just wanted to make small talk, which he is really bad at but he didn't want things to get awkward.

"Sorry." Jude muttered. "I was just trying to, you know, like, hold a conversation." Taylor giggled. "I'm not really good at it." Jude's face scrunched a little bit.

"I like you Jude, you're really funny." Taylor laughed lightly. "I'm a total lez and you called me out on it." Taylor snapped her fingers. "Just like that."

"Wait, what?"

"It must be that Gaydar shit." Taylor laughed harder this time which made Jude a little uncomfortable. Taylor noticed this and composed herself. "You do know what Gaydar is right?" Jude shook his head in the form of no and she just slightly smiled. "Have you ever met another gay person?"

"Other than my moms, no."

"Wait your moms?"

"Yeah my moms are lesbians, they adopted my siblings and me." Jude spoke quietly.

"Okay, that's pretty fucking awesome." Taylor grabbed Jude's again and started rushing him faster to his dorm. "Well I'm glad to be the third LGBT person you've met." Taylor said with a smile. "Okay we're here Jude."

Jude took a look at the entrance and then looked at her.

"I don't think this is right Taylor." Taylor looked at Jude with a confused look on her face.

"What do you mean Jude?"

"I don't think this is my dorm." Taylor just burst out in laughter.

"You don't know where you stay?" Jude stared at the ground which made Taylor reach for his face. "Hey, stop doing that." Jude looked at her with big eyes. "We'll find your dorm okay?" Taylor spoke with a bright smile. "Do you have anyone you can call about which dorm you're in?"

"Yeah, my roommate." Jude pulled his phone out and saw it was 1:00. "Gimme a second here." Jude was scrolling through his phone.

"While we're thinking about it, remind me to put my number in your phone." That earned a smile from Jude.

"Alright."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: OMG I'm on Chapter Three now. I really hope you guys are liking this! Sorry for the Cliff Hangers! Love and Peace to you all! Now Enjoy!**

Chapter 3:Was I right, was I wrong?

After a phone call to Josh (Jude's roommate) he quickly realized that he belongs to the purple dorm. Luckily for the boy it was just across the street.

"So," Jude began. "Uh, thanks again for uh, showing me around and, and, yeah." Jude had a small smile as he looked at Taylor.

"No problem Jude. It was phone, and I'll keep your secret as long as you keep mine." Taylor held out her hand.

"Deal." Jude reached for her hand. "Also tell Dalilah and…"

"Daria."

"I don't know why I keep getting that wrong." Jude giggled which made Taylor laugh. "Anyways tell them I'll see them next week." Jude began to turn around.

"Wait, Jude." Jude looked at the girl again. "Give me your phone real quick."

"Why?" Jude asked confused.

"I still need to give you my number, duh." Taylor had a playful smile. "Plus, I'll put Connor's and Daria's."

"Oh," Jude handed her the phone. "Do you think they'll be okay with that though?"

"Well if they don't like it, then you can just delete the numbers off the phone." Taylor still had a smile plastered on her face and it was starting to worry Jude.

"Why, are you smiling?" Jude's eyes looked away from Taylor.

"Am I your first college friend?" Taylor said with a bright smile.

"Well, yeah, but you're kinda like, my only friend." The last three words came out mumbled and he didn't know if Taylor could hear him. "Anyways, thanks again."

"No problem Jude, hey lets hang sometime!" Taylor began walking away.

"Wait, Taylor!"

"What's up?"

"Where is Pearl Hall?" Taylor started laughing.

"You're kidding right?" Jude just shook his head no, which only made Taylor laugh harder. "What time do you need to be there?" She asked in between breaths.

"Two." Jude stared at the ground.

"It's that building there." She pointed. "And if you're going to English 111 then I'll see ya there."

"Okay, thanks."

"Bye." Taylor said with laughter in her tone.

"Jesus Jude." Jude muttered to himself. "Way to embarrass yourself in front of your first friend." Jude ran a hand through his hair.

Jude was sitting at the small desk in his dorm room on his laptop. He was in the middle of a Fiction that he hoped one day would get published. In the background he was listening to Car Radio by Twenty One Pilots and he mouthed the words that go along with the song.

Suddenly the door to his dorm room burst open with Josh and a girl making out. "Holy shit Josh!" Jude screamed as he saw the two going at it. Which made the two jump away from each other.

"Jude!?" Josh stared at Jude. "Uh, shouldn't you be at class or something." Jude looked at the time on his laptop.

"I have like 15 min…" Jude stopped talking and looked at his laptop. "Shit, can I get to Pearl Hall in time?"

"If you run!" Josh responded quickly looking at the brunette, Car Radio still blasting in the back ground.

"Shit, shit, shit." Jude ran around his room grabbing his stuff, forgetting to turn the music off. He was halfway out the door when Josh and his girl friend were making out again. "Don't break anything!" Jude yelled as he slammed the door. "Shit."

Jude sprinted down the steps of the dorm and ran into a guy his age and they both fell.

"Bro! Watch where you're going man!" The other kid started yelling at Jude. "Fuck, now I'm going to be even later." The guy jumped up quickly and started running again.

"Ow." Was all that Jude was able to manage to say before he got up again. "Maybe I should go back to the dorm. This is obviously a bad sign." Jude sighed as he stood there contemplating his options. He could go back and watch his roommate eat that girls face or he can go to class and try not to embarrass himself. Jude looked at his phone to find the time. "Shit."

Jude went into full sprint deciding that he would rather be in class than awkwardly watching his roommate make out. As he was running, his bag decided that it was going to break and fall to the ground. "You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Jude almost screamed at no one in particular. "Shit."

Jude stared at the bag on the ground and he fell to his knees. He felt like the world was spinning around him. Jude kept repeating to himself to get a grip but it wasn't working. "Deep breaths." Jude started in inhale and counted to ten in his head and then exhaled counting to ten. "Okay, I can do this." Jude reached for his bag, but the world was spinning. As he put the bag in his hand he tried to get up slowly. "Why is everything spinning?"

"Jude!" There was a voice calling behind him. And a sandy haired guy approaching him. For some reason he didn't recognize him, everything was still spinning. "Jude?" The man said again, this time he sounded concerned.

"Hi." Jude said still not able to focus himself.

"Hey are you okay?" There was definitely concern in his voice.

"No." Jude said at first. "I mean, yeah, I'm good, one hundred percent, peachy." Jude fell backwards onto his butt.

"Uh, are you sure you're okay?"

"I just need to breathe." Jude was moving his arms around so his hands would be touching the ground.

"Are you drunk?" Jude started laughing hysterically.

"I've never had alcohol in my life." Jude looked up at the guy again and finally realized who it was. "Connor?"

"Yeah?"

"Sorry I didn't mean to say that out loud." Jude looked at him for a second. "I don't feel good, Connor." Jude's stomach started twisting in a knot.

"What do you mean? Do you need to go to a hospital?" Connor's face was full of concern. "Look let's stand you up."

"I'm going to be sick." And without a moment later, Jude turned his face away from Connor and started emptying the contents of his stomach. Which was mostly water because he hasn't eaten yet.

"Shit." Connor mumbled. "Let's get you back to your dorm okay?"

"I can't move yet." Jude started coughing making him puke again. Connor started patting Jude's back.

"Okay, let it out."

"Look Connor." Jude coughed. "I'm fine, I'm just going to go back to my dorm. You just go where you need to go." Jude tried getting up, but found that his legs wouldn't let him stand up.

"You look like you need help Jude." This irked Jude.

"Look, Connor, I appreciate what you're trying to do, shit." Jude got sick again. "Okay fine, just help me up here." Connor lifted him in the air onto his two feet.

"There." Connor said with a pleasant smile.

"Okay, I should be good from here. Thanks Connor." Jude started walking but felt a little unsteady on his own two feet. "I'm just going to stand here for a second."

"Okay, take your time."

"Connor, just go. This happens all the time, I'll be fine." Jude lied, this has never happened before. Jude tried taking a step towards his dorm.

"This happens all the time?" Connor seemed like he wasn't believing the lie.

"Yeah, when I was at home, my moms would have some stomach medication ready for me afterwards. I just guess I need to…" Jude stopped talking as he looked at the ground.

"Why are you lying?"

"Because I'm embarrassing myself in front of an attractive person and that makes me ner…" Jude's knees buckled. "Fuck." Jude almost fell again but this time Connor caught him.

"Okay, I'm just going to bring you back to your dorm. It was the Blue dorm right?" Jude looked at him for a second.

"No it's the purple dorm." Jude giggled. "I learned that myself today." Connor was still holding onto Jude.

"Can you walk?"

"Yeah definitely." Connor released his hold on Jude again. "Uh thanks, uh, Connor."

"Don't mention it." Connor smiled. "I need to help my math homework buddy right?"

"I never officially agreed to that." Jude replied as he began walking. "Okay, I'm not going to make it to the dorm." Jude stopped in his tracks and sat down. "I'm just going to sit here for a while." Jude said with the fakest smile he could muster.

"Yeah, uh, no." Connor picked Jude off the ground holding him in his arms. "I'll carry you back."

"What the fuck are you doing Connor?" Jude said with fear in his eyes.

"Look I bench 220, you're what, 120 pounds at the most?"

"116 for your information." Jude looked into Connor's eyes for a second. "This is so embarrassing."

"Yeah you said that already." Connor gave a small smile. "Also you called me attractive."

"Uh, um, uh, who said I was talking about you?" Connor stopped walking and looked around.

"There's no one else around." Connor's smile grew. "Dude it's cool, I like it when people call me attractive, who gives a shit about the gender? But I know I'm the biggest stud at this college."

"Pfff." Jude gave a small giggle. Unfortunately he remembered what was going on his dorm room right now. "Yeah whatever, so Mr. Stud, this is embarrassing but, when I left my dorm room, I'm pretty sure Josh, my roommate, was going to get it on with this girl."

"Ew."

"I know."

"I'll bring you to my room for now I guess." This shocked Jude.

"Oh no, you don't need to do that. Just get me to my room and I'll wait outside."

"Fuck that, you need to lie down, you look awful."

"Ouch." Jude pretended to be offended. Then his stomach did a jump again. "Connor put me down."

"No can do."

"NOW!" Connor let him down and Jude puked again making Connor back up again.

"I'm calling campus security."

"What, why?"

"They can bring a bucket for you to get sick in, and we wouldn't have to walk." Connor looked calm.

"Why am I getting sick?" Jude's eyes were wet with tears. "Ugh." Jude just laid on the ground and stared at the clouds. While he heard Connor talking on his cell phone. Jude didn't know what happened next because he fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Welcome to Chapter Four. I had to rewrite this because my flashdrive was corrupted** **. But we will get through this alright! Love you guys! P.S. I'm rewriting this listening to Christmas music. It's better if you don't ask. P.S.S This is about 1800 words long.**

 **Chapter Four:** Give Me a Sign.

As Jude awoke from his slumber he heard a shuffling from his left. Jude groaned in pain as he tried to move off the bed. "Where am I?" Jude said to himself.

"Connor brought you here." Jude's head shot to the person who spoke. "He'll be back soon, don't worry." The man was looking at him uninterested. Jude stared back with confusing in his eyes. "I'm Dylan."

"Hi." Jude managed to say, he had an uncontrollable pain in his chest he couldn't explain.

"Are you another one of his fuck buddies?" Dylan spoke bluntly.

"What?" Jude laid his head back on his pillow.

"Connor usually brings a different person ever night. Although, you're the first guy he's brought back." Jude heard Dylan get up, but instead of looking at him, Jude stared at the ceiling. "So, if you're not one of his fuck buddies, who are you?"

"I'm just a guy." Jude said plainly ignoring the kid.

"So are you like, a homo?" Jude decided this guy had no filter.

"What if I am?" This time Jude looked over at Dylan. He was attractive, built not as much as Connor, but definitely built.

"Look, I don't want any problems here. But I'm going to make myself clear." Jude swallowed. "I going to win Connor's heart, and you can fuck off."

"Look, I don't think Connor is into guys." Jude replied which only made Dylan sigh.

"Yeah, you're right. He's with that Daria girl." Dylan sat on the edge of Jude's bed.

"And you said he was bringing a different person every night. All females, excluding me." Jude stared at Dylan a little longer than welcome.

"Please stop staring at me, it's making me uncomfortable." Dylan got up and laid in the bed across from the one Jude was in.

"Tr-trust me, you're not much to st-stare at."

"That would've been a good insult if you didn't stutter as much." Dylan replied coldly.

"Fu-fuck you." Jude lost all his confidence.

"Yeah, you'd like to." Dylan looked over at Jude. "I'm going to go find Connor." Dylan jumped out of bed and walked out the door.

"Good." Jude threw his legs out of the bed and let them touch the ground. He sat on the edge of the bed putting a hand to his head. "Jesus, why does my head hurt so much?" Jude began rubbing his head as he got up. He saw his phone on a dresser next to where he was sitting and grabbed for it. Jude played with his phone before actually looking at it. "Nine o'clock." Jude mumbled to himself.

Jude nearly jumped to his feet looking at his phone again. "Holy fucking shit, I've been out for 7 hours!" Jude started running around the small room grabbing stuff that looked like his stuff and began making his way outside the dorm. Jude reached the doorway when his head gave a sharp throbbing pain. "Jesus." Jude muttered.

Jude got outside the door and began walking down the hall. He didn't recognize where he was and consequently didn't know where the exit was. Jude began walking aimlessly towards the end of the hall and saw Connor and Dylan turn a corner. Jude decided to duck into the restroom next to where he was standing to avoid the boys.

"Excuse me." A feminine voice came from behind him, making Jude turn around. "This is a woman's restroom."

"I-I-I'm sorry. Uh, um, uh, I need to hide real quick." The girl rolled her eyes and looked back in the mirror and started doing make up. The girl was eyeing up Jude from the mirror.

"Look, if you're going to be in here, you need to help me." The girl spoke towards the mirror but her eyes were reflecting towards Jude. She turned to Jude and he looked at the girl again.

"Oh my god, I know you." The girl stared at him after Jude's realization.

"Duh. We went to school together. Now get your ass over here." She waved her hand to make him come closer.

"Maddie, right?"

"Yeah, now get over here." Jude stepped closer to the girl. "Hold this." She put eyeliner in Jude's hand. "Are you any good with this?"

"Yeah, I have two sisters and two moms. I know how to use eyeliner."

"Good, I need your help, I've never used this stuff before." Maddie closed her eyes. "But make it fast because I have to be somewhere."

"Where?"

"A party." Maddie replied was too quick for Jude. "You should go."

"I'm a not much of a partier."

"This is the most I've ever heard you talk to be honest." Maddie replied quickly again. "I mean, you never talked in school."

"Yeah, well everyone was really mean to me, so-so I didn't talk." Maddie opened her eyes before Jude could start putting the eyeliner on her.

"Did I say anything mean to you?" Maddie actually seemed concerned. "If I did, I'm really sorry, I was a horrible person in high school and…"

"We really didn't talk much." Jude stopped her. "So don't put too much pressure on yourself." Jude said with a half-smile. "Now are you going to let me put this eyeliner on you?"

"Before you do." Maddie put a hand in front of me. "Do you think this color matches this outfit?" She was wearing a black and white horizontally striped shirt with a black skirt that went about her knees. The eye liner was a shade of purple.

"Well, it adds color to your outfit." Jude shrugged. "I'm not the best at fashion honestly."

"Okay just put it on." Maddie sighed. "I'm really trying to get this guy to like me, and I just hope that I don't look that bad."

"Oh."

"Yeah, he's on the baseball team, super built, super cute, kind of looks like a puppy, has an ass of gold." Maddie started rambling as Jude put the eyeliner on.

"Is his name Connor?" This made Maddie jump.

"Yeah. How did you know?"

"That's exactly how I would've described him."

"I KNEW IT!" Maddie fully jumped away from Jude and opened her eyes. "I knew you were gay! Man those bitches back home owe me money." Jude's mouth sat agape.

"Can I just finish this so I can go home?"

"No, you need to go to this party with me."

"Oh, no-no. I-I don't do parties." Jude tried to smile but things were really getting awkward.

"Dude, I can totally hook you up with some guys!" Maddie was speaking faster than Jude thought was imaginable.

"Oh, uh, thanks for the offer but…" Maddie interrupted.

"No buts. Except the butts of the guys I'm going to hook you up with." Jude groaned. "Okay that sounded better in my head. But Jude seriously, you need to go, it'll be fun."

"Jude!?" Maddie and Jude stared at each other.

"Shit." Jude said quickly jumping into a stall. "He can't see me Maddie!"

"Who?" Maddie was about to ask more but a boy came into the bathroom. "OMG GET OUT! This is the women's restro… Oh hey Connor." Maddie's tone did a 180.

"Oh sorry, uh, have you seen a guy about my height, just a little taller, skinny build."

"No, just girls in here sorry." Maddie lied much to Jude's relief. "You going to the party tonight?"

"Yeah, look I can't talk right now, I need to find Jude." Maddie sighed.

"He's in the first stall."

"What the fuck Maddie!?" Jude screamed in the stall.

"Look you need to finish my eyeliner and you're wasting my time here." Maddie responded.

"Why are you in the girl's restroom?" Connor inquired.

"He's hiding from you." Maddie responded to Connor's question making Jude come out of the stall.

"Why are you hiding from me?" Connor asked another question.

"Look he's busy right now, he needs to do my eyeliner." Maddie had taken Jude's hand and pulled him closer to her.

"We-we-we can catch up la-later, Connor." Jude tried his best to act calm but he couldn't.

"Cool, uh, you forgot this in my room." Connor was holding Jude's backpack.

"How did I forget that?" Jude asked a question this time which only made Connor shrug. "Thanks."

"Alright I'm out of here. Maddie I'll see you at the party. Jude are you going?"

"Not this one." Jude responded much too quickly.

"Kay." Connor turned away and left the women's restroom.

"Okay so you obviously have a crush on him." Maddie spoke to Jude staring into his eyes. "Honestly, I don't know if he's into guys, but dude, you should try hitting that."

"But you like him."

"Yeah, but I need competition." Maddie said with a smile. "Now do my eyeliner damn it." Maddie stomped her foot.

"Okay, Jesus, Maddie." Jude smiled brightly this time. Taking the eyeliner and finishing his job.

After Jude finished working on Maddie he left the building to try and find his dorm. But when he reached the outdoors he realized that he was already in his dorm building and he just reentered the building. He slowly walked to his dorm room and tried not to get lost in his thoughts.

What did Maddie mean that Jude has a crush on Connor? Jude just met this guy today, and he was so out of Jude's league.

This made Jude take his phone out again and this time he texted Taylor.

 **Jude:** Hey T, whatcha doing?  
 **Taylor:** Who is this?

Jude forgot that Taylor still didn't have his number.

 **Jude:** Oops, it's Jude.  
 **Taylor:** Oh hey Jude! I'm getting ready for a party  
 **Taylor:** Are you going 2?  
 **Jude:** I really don't like parties.  
 **Taylor:** U have to go.  
 **Jude:** I've had a long day, ask Connor about it.  
 **Taylor:** Oh? You and Connor do it already?  
 **Jude:** TAYLOR!  
 **Taylor:** Alright, enjoy your night in lame.

"Oh I will." Jude said out loud while staring at his phone.

Jude arrived to his dorm room, only to find that Josh and the girl that was there early were gone. When he closed the door to the dorm room he saw a note on the door. 'Hey I'll be out all night, probably won't be home 'till tomorrow.'

"Thank god." Jude put his stuff down and laid down on his bed. Somehow he was still tired after his 7 hour nap earlier. However the difference was that his headache was gone and he could actually think straight.

He was almost asleep when he heard his cell phone buzz. It was a text from Taylor.

 **Taylor:** What's your dorm room number?  
 **Jude:** 239\. Why?  
 **Taylor:** Future reference, don't worry.  
 **Jude:** I'm going to bed, please don't bother me. :|  
 **Taylor:** Fine, I won't tonight.

Jude put his phone down and finally fell asleep, only to be entertained by nightmares.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five:** What is love?

 **Trigger Warning: Jude does self-harm in this chapter and also there is some slight name calling.**

 **A/N: I want to say sorry for this chapter right now. It honestly brought out some tears from me. Alright Enjoy. Sorry again.**

Jude has never been a heavy sleeper, nor did he sleep the whole night. Tonight, however, had to be the worst night so far. He was having continuous nightmare after nightmare and every time he thought he would be asleep for a while, he woke up with tears streaming down his.

Jude's restless "sleep" however was disturbed by a loud banging on the door. He heard a whimpering and decided he was going to get up and check it out. Even before he reached the door he could hear someone saying Jude over and over again in a drunken tone.

"Well this is going to be interesting." Jude took two more steps to the door before putting his ear to the door.

"Juuuudeeeee, opppeen the dooooorrrr." Jude didn't recognize the voice and was really nervous about opening the door. 'Why didn't they have a damn peephole in this dorm room?' Was the only thought running through his mind.

"Who is it?" Jude's voice cracked.

"It's meeeeee." The voice replied.

"Who the fuck is me?"

"You're Juuuuude. Please let me in." The voice sounded pleading.

"That's not what I meant. Who the fuck are you and why the fuck are you interrupting my sleep?" The voice just giggled.

"It's Connorrr." Jude's eyes went wide.

"Connor?"

"That's meee." The voice replied making Jude open the door slowly. "Juuuudddeee!" Connor sounded excited, and extremely drunk.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Connor stumbled in and nearly fell into Jude's arms. "Jesus, how much have you had?"

"I don't know, maybe 1 or 7." Connor slurred his words.

"1 or 7 what?" Jude has no real history of his own with alcohol. He was a firm believer of not drinking alcohol until he was the legal age.

"Shotss silly." Connor tried nudging Jude's arm. "Hold me up weal quick." Connor tried standing up straight with Jude holding him.

Then there was the static. Jude was staring into Connor's eyes and Connor was staring into Jude's. In this moment, he realized something. Jude really, really liked this guy. Jude felt Connor moving in closer to Jude's lips feeling Connor's warm breath on him. That's when Jude grabbed Connor's face and gently pushed him back.

"What the fuck are you doing, Connor?" Jude's face was serious like he was going to punch the kid.

"I want to kiss you Juuudddeee." Connor put on his best pout but it was no effect on Jude.

"Why?" Jude's eyes were scrunched as he watched the other male.

"Because Juuuuude, I need to kiss youuuu." Connor held onto his words too long.

"You're obviously not thinking straight right now." This made Connor giggle and he was staring at Jude again.

"I'm thinking pretty gay right now." Connor replied too quickly.

"Alright, you can get out of my dorm now." Jude said watching Connor not move an inch. "Now." Jude said again with more emphasis this time pointing to the door.

"Just one quick peck, pleaseeeee." Connor was now on Jude's last nerve.

"Get the fuck out of my room." Jude said calmly at first.

"Juuddde."

"Get the fuck out of my room." Jude made one step closer to Connor while raising his voice.

"Jude please." Connor was becoming to sound more pleading.

Jude grabbed Connor's shirt and pushed him as hard as his arms would allow moving him closer to the door. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM RIGHT NOW CONNOR STEVENS!" Jude yelled as loud as he could. Jude grabbed Connor again and this time and tried pushing even harder to get him out of the room.

"Jesus, Jude, it's just a kiss." Connor said perfectly without any slur.

"Connor, if you know what's best for you, get out of my room right now." Connor stayed staring at Jude. "RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" Jude reached to grab Connor again but this time Connor grabbed a hold of Jude and pushed him to the wall next to the door.

"What is your problem dude?" Connor was staring intently as he held Jude's arms above his head. "Jesus, dude."

"What is my problem?" Jude asked with venom in his tone. "You're the asshole who's trying to kiss me." Jude kicked Connor's knee cap making Connor loosen his grip giving Jude the time to push Connor out the door.

"What the fuck, Jude?"

"No, that's what you should be asking yourself." Jude slammed his dorm door and locked it. "AND STOP ACTING LIKE YOUR DRUNK WHEN YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT!" Jude yelled behind the safety of his door.

"Jude seriously come on."

"No fuck off." Jude wasn't going to let this one go. "Go back to your dumbass party and actually get drunk. Sleep with some girl like you always do, and leave me the fuck alone." Jude took a breath. "And get a new goddamn math partner!"

Jude walked back to his bed and laid down on the stiff cushion that the school provided. Connor however did not leave and kept pounding his door for the next thirty minutes pleading Jude to let him in.

"Judeeee, if I don't kiss you, I'm going to lose my dare." Connor said finally coming clean about what he was doing. This made Jude laugh sarcastically and get up out of his bed. He walked to the door where he promptly opened the door.

"So I'm a joke to you? Is that all I am?" Jude was fighting every urge in his body to hit Connor. "You want me to waste my first fucking kiss, on some fuckboy?"

"You think I'm a fuckboy?" Connor asked seeming serious. "Jude, you have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh I've heard enough of your shit Connor." Jude started to close the door again but not before Connor could put a foot in between the door. "Move your foot, or I'm calling the cops."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I'm pretty sure this is harassment. I've told you several times now that I want you out of my fucking room but you keep bothering me."

"Dude seriously calm down."

"Stop telling me to calm down! I'm calling the cops." Jude walked back into his room to grab his cell phone.

"Fine, I'll leave." Connor huffed. "You're such a pussy." Connor was fully out the door when Jude ran over and slammed the door again.

"Don't you dare come back." Jude yelled from behind the door again.

Jude stared at the cellphone in his hand for a moment and then tears started falling down his face. Why am I crying, was the thought plaguing Jude. He need to talk to someone but it's three in the morning and that wasn't an option. Instead he just let the tears fall as he laid back down on his bed.

'So much for making new friends.' Jude thought to himself as the tears came down his face. 'I hate this place. I hate this place. I hate this place.' Jude curled himself into a ball and continued to let the tears fall. 'I want to go home. I want my moms. I want Callie. I want to die. I want to leave.' Jude was rocking himself back and forth now.

"I want to die!" Jude screamed at the wall. "Fuck everything! Fuck everything!" Jude kept screaming. Jude jumped out the bed, face still wet from all the tears and started searching the room. He was throwing items on the floor and even broke a glass.

Jude stared at the broken glass on the floor and grabbed a piece of it. Jude held the glass to eye level, an idea came to mind.

Jude took the broken shard and started rubbing it against his arm, making blood come out of his skin. Jude closed his eyes as he drug it along his skin a second time. Jude let a deep sigh escape his lips and let the glass drop out of his hand making his way back to bed. As he laid there, he stared at the ceiling letting the blood soak his sheets as he drew pictures in his head. 'I hope I don't wake up.' Is the only thought on Jude's mind.

Unfortunately for Jude, he did wake up. And he woke up to Taylor and Josh shaking him awake. Jude slowly opened his eyes only to look at Taylor with a neutral look on his face. He just stared at the young girl and watched her reaction.

"Jude?" The girl sounded so sweet and innocent. Jude bet that it was her that put Connor up to the task of kissing him. Jude turned opposite of where Taylor was standing staring at the wall. "Jude, please look at me." Taylor sounded like she was pleading. "Jude what happened?" Taylor sat down on Jude's bed.

"Get off." Jude growled.

"Jude please, just tell me." Jude felt Taylor touching his hair.

"Ask Connor if you're so curious."

"Connor? Connor did this to you?" Jude could feel Taylor staring.

"Please leave."

"Okay." Taylor got up. "Please talk to me when you're ready."

Jude groaned as Taylor left with Josh. Jude could hear Josh and Taylor talking but he couldn't make out what they were saying to each other. Josh came back into the room and sat on his own bed.

"Hey Jude." Jude groaned in response. "I'm gonna make spaghetti. Do you want some?" Jude stared at the ceiling making Josh sighed. "Have you eaten at all, in like, the past two days?" Jude continued staring at the ceiling. "Okay. Well I'm going to be right back okay?" Josh got up and walked past Jude, lightly tapping his arm.

Jude took the time to fall asleep again.

Jude heard a voice that he recognized and opened his eyes. What he saw was a shock. Somehow both his moms were here and they were talking to Josh and Taylor.

Jude got out of his bed and walked towards his moms.

"Well sleepy head is awake." Lena said. "Come here sweetie." Lena held her arms out letting Jude walk into them.

"We're going to go for a bit."

"Okay, thank you Taylor, Josh." Stef spoke to the college students taking Lena and Jude into the room.

"Honey." Lena was speaking to Jude again. "Josh and Taylor called us." Lena was stroking Jude's hair.

"Love," Jude made eye contact with Stef obviously softening Stef. "Oh, come here." Stef walked up to Jude and embraced him. "I love you, so, so, so much. We're here for you." Stef was running her hand through his hair this time. Jude fell into the embrace and started crying holding onto mom.

"Let it all out sweetheart." Lena said behind Jude, Stef stroking his back now.

"How about we go get something to eat."

"Yeah, maybe get some hamburgers or something."

If Jude was honest, he wasn't hungry. But he should be with the couple of days he's had. Puking his guts out should've really made him hungry, but he was feeling empty. And that emptiness ate at him, keeping him quiet.

Jude nodded his head and his moms gave a smile.

"There was a McDonald's down the street." Lena spoke to Stef.

"Alright! Let's get some cheeseburgers love!" Stef held around Jude's waist as they walked out the dorm.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six: Baby don't hurt me.

The week has gone by since the incident, but Jude still hasn't said a word. He was acting normal enough, he reasoned to himself. He went to his classes and paid attention in classes, well sort of. He half assed his notes and often doodled in his notebooks but, for the most part he was paying attention.

This changed however in his math class.

According to his pre-quiz that he had for the class, he was one of the few that understood the material that they were starting on. He nearly scored perfectly and the professor made sure the whole class knew.

"Well, class." The professor made eye contact with half the class. "The pre-quizzes were not the best I've seen." The professor walked halfway across the room. "However there were a few of you who knew a little of what we're starting." The professor smiled at Jude. "And then there's Mr. Adams Foster who only missed 2 problems." Everyone turned to look at Jude. Which made Jude turn into a tomato.

Well almost everyone turned. Connor didn't. And that hurt Jude for some reason.

"Well congratulations, Jude." Daria said sarcastically which made Jude glare at her. Over the week, Jude has been hanging out with Taylor and Daria. But whenever Connor arrived to chat with the girls, Jude would leave. Jude thought that was the safest bet for his mental health.

"So, I decided that I'm going to let Jude teach the class." This made Jude's eyes widen and his mouth fell open, making the professor give an even bigger smile. "I'm just joking Jude, don't worry." The professor threw his hands out in front of him. "Alright class, I'm going to be choosing the math partners this year."

Jude hadn't realized it, but Connor hadn't lifted his head since he arrived in class. 'Was he sulking?' Jude quietly thought to himself. As soon as the professor mentioned that he was picking partners, Connor raised his head.

"Why?" Connor asked as his voice cracked a little. 'Has he been crying?' Another thought went through Jude's head.

"Because, the college wants me to make students work with people that they're not real familiar with. Unfortunately for you Mr. Stevens, you seem to know everyone in this school." Connor sighed and leaned back in his chair continuing to stare at his desk. "Now I made a spreadsheet last night of who I'm pairing. So after class come see me about who your partner is." The professor walked to his computer and pulled up a power point. "Also I'm going to add that my choices are final and you cannot switch partners." This made half the class groan.

Daria nudged Jude making him look at the female. She leaned in closer to his ear and muttered something Jude didn't fully understand. Something along the lines of "staring…Connor…." Jude tilted his head at Daria and tried making a confused look. She sighed. "Stop staring at Connor." Daria said in her normal speaking voice, which made a couple of the students turn around and look at them. Including Connor.

Jude turned red again and stared into his book hoping that Connor wasn't looking at him for the time being. Jude took a deep breath and closed his eyes and listened to what the professor was lecturing on. He opened his eyes again and saw Connor looking at him. The most intent look on his face like he was going to say something.

And out of nowhere, Jude felt something fall down his face. Daria looked over and must have saw what just happened because she rubbed her hand on Jude's face. Jude looked over and for the first time, she smiled at him. A genuine smile. She then turned away from Jude to look somewhere else. Jude saw her mouth something but didn't catch what she was saying.

Jude closed his eyes again and smiled. 'Everything is going to be okay.' Jude said to himself reopening his eyes to focus on the lecture in the front of the classroom.

Once class was over Jude got up and Daria was about to walk past him when Jude grabbed her arm.

"What's up kid?" Daria said looking at him with a small smile. Jude opened his mouth but nothing came out and he stood there mouth open. "You might want to close that, or you'll get infested." Jude immediately closed his small showing a big smile.

Jude pulled out his cellphone and texted Daria.

 **Jude:** Thank you.

Jude heard Daria's cell make a noise similar to a bell. As she pulled out the phone Jude looked towards the door noticing Connor waiting for someone. "You're welcome." Daria said in a sweet tone. "Taylor and I are getting dinner tonight at the Diner across the street. Please come." Jude nodded his head. "We'll be there around 7:00." Jude nodded again. "Alright bye Jude." She turned and walked away.

Jude went back to gathering his notes when he felt a shadow approach him. When Jude looked up he saw something he wasn't expecting. It was Dylan, Connor's roommate. He didn't have math with Jude so he couldn't comprehend what he was there for.

"Jude, we need to talk." Dylan sounded serious. "Well, what I should say is I'll do the talking and you listen." Jude stared at the masculine male. "Can you walk with me please?" Dylan motioned with his hand to follow him.

"Now, you're probably wondering what I want. Honestly I'm not doing this for me." Dylan walked to the elevator with Jude walking behind him. "I'm going to make this quick." Dylan hit the button for the elevator to go down and turned to look at Jude.

Jude was having a hard time reading Dylan. What was his intention? He looked like he was worried about something. But to be honest, Jude doesn't know much about this guy. The elevator made a resonating ding as the doors opened.

Dylan stepped inside the small elevator and waited for Jude to join him. Dylan had a pleasant smile on his face as Jude entered behind him. Then the doors closed and no sooner than Jude could yelp Dylan had Jude's shirt in his hand.

"What the fuck, did you do?" Dylan said with clenched teeth, making Jude whimper. "Answer me you little bitch!" Dylan started shaking Jude. "I said answer me!" Dylan raised his fist up to his side, Jude closed his eyes.

Then the elevator dinged again and the doors opened.

"What the fuck?" There was a female voice and Dylan's hand was removed off Jude's shirt. "Get the fuck off him." Yelled the female voice. Jude's eyes were still shut, as he raised his hands to his ears and fell to the ground.

Jude could hear the muffled voices through his hands, however he couldn't comprehend the words. Jude got up without opening his eyes and walked out the elevator doors. He kept walking not knowing where he was going when he felt hands around his waist. His hands were still covering his ears when the person touching him moved their hands to Jude's hands.

"Jude," The female voice mumbled. "It's okay." The female's arms wrapped around Jude, which made Jude open his eyes. He lowered his hands and hugged the female back. "It's okay Jude. Everything is okay." She mumbled. Not to Jude's knowledge, he was shaking uncontrollably.

As everything was coming into focus, he knew who the girl was. Taylor. Jude forgot that he was supposed to be meeting Taylor after class. "Let's get you back to your room." Taylor unwrapped herself but Jude held there for a moment longer. "Oh, Jude, let go, I have something for you." Jude let go and looked at the younger female. She reached inside her purse and pulled out a pack of spearmint gum. "I know it's your favorite." Taylor spoke with the most genuine smile Jude could imagine.

Jude reached to take the gum before held her index finger out. "Did Daria tell you about tonight?" Jude nodded quickly. "Okay good." She shoved the gum into Jude's hand. "Now let's get moving, okay?" Jude smiled as Taylor wrapped her arm in Jude's arm. "You know, we could totally be a beard couple." Jude snickered shaking his head. "Yeah, I don't need a beard either." She responded to Jude's nod. "So, I was thinking about taking up skateboarding." Jude gave her a questioning look. "I hear that girls like skaters so I thought, maybe I should try it."

Jude gave a small laugh and a big grin. "Yo-you just ne-need to sho-show them your," Jude's kept cracking as he tried to speak. "Your true self." Taylor gave a big grin and brought Jude into a hug.

"God, I missed your voice." Jude's smile started to fade. "And I missed your smile too." Taylor took both her hands and made a smile with Jude's face.

"Stop." Jude was giggling playfully. "You're going to make me blush."

"Oh little Jude, blushing, that's cute."

"Oh my god, stop!" Jude was laughing. "So what's with the diner tonight?"

"What do you mean? We just wanted to try something new."

"Do we include, Co…"

"No." Taylor cut him off. "We aren't going to make you uncomfortable Jude." Taylor stopped walking. "It's like you don't even know me." Taylor made a fake pout.

"Stop making that face, you know it doesn't work on me." Jude raised an eyebrow at the young female.

"What. Ever." Taylor gave a cheesy grin. "Oh my friend Roy is going to be going with us." Taylor leaned in close to Jude and whispered in his ear. "He's gay and single." Taylor gave her eyebrows a wiggle.

"Taylor, are you really trying to play match maker for me?" Jude just stared at her. "I'm a mess on a good day. Do you think they can really?.." Jude trailed off.

"Jude, no one is perfect." Her smile was so heartfelt. "Our imperfections are what bring us together. Besides, anyone can love you Jude. You're really great."

"Funny hearing that about someone who hasn't talked in a week."

"Jude we texted like the whole time. You don't need your physical voice to communicate you know." Taylor grabbed Jude's arm again. "Hey let's go to your dorm before your other class starts." Jude sighed.

"Why, Taylor? That's like so much extra walking, aren't we skinny enough." Taylor laughed.

"Fine, where do you want to go? Because it's too hot out here right now."

"Let's just go to our English building. We could sit there and chat."

"I would love that." Taylor hugged Jude again.

Taylor held onto Jude's arm as they walked to the English people. "You know, people are really going to start think we're dating." Jude laughed at his realization.

"They can think whatever they want." Taylor gave a smirk.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Don't Hurt Me, No More.

Taylor and Jude's Workplace Writing class went by smoothly, Jude even answered some of the questions.

Jude could see Taylor smile every time Jude talked or answered questions. He couldn't believe that his talking could bring joy to someone. It's his voice, why should it affect anyone other than himself.

Class ended and once again Taylor was by his side. "Man class was really boring today." Taylor said looking up to Jude. It's still funny that Jude has to look down to see the young female. "I mean, I'm never going to work, because my wife is going to be a model and we'll make money from her photoshoots." Taylor kept rambling.

"Sounds like you're in it for the money." Jude raised an eyebrow at her.

"Hm," Taylor gave a face that made it seem like she was thinking about it. "Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. We'll see, won't we?" Taylor gave a bright smile.

"Man, whoever you marry is in for a treat." Jude said sarcastically.

"Yeah, whatever. Oh, we need to talk about tonight."

"What about, we're going to the Diner across the street right?" Jude eyebrows rose as he spoke.

"Well yeah, but there's something more going on. I know I told you Roy was coming and all, but, uh, me and Daria are going on a date."

"Wait." Jude's eyes got wide. "You're going on a date with Daria?!" Jude almost shouted.

"Well, kind of. She's experimenting." Taylor did quotation marks with her fingers as she said experimenting.

"Experimenting?"

"Yeah she wants to try dating a girl to see how it goes."

"And that's okay with you?"

"Yeah." Jude wasn't convinced.

"Are you sure you're not getting in over your head?"

"Jude, don't worry, I'm sure things will be fine. Also this means that you need to sit next Roy." Jude gave a heavy sigh which only made Taylor giggle. "Jude don't worry, he won't make a move on you, he's practically harmless."

"Practically?"

"Well, he's not afraid of bugs, so I couldn't say he couldn't hurt a fly."

"That's surprisingly comforting. Cause if we work out, he could kill all the bugs." Jude laughed this time. "Yeah, let's hope that this goes well."

"That's the spirit Jude!" Taylor hopped up and down in front of Jude. Once Taylor settled, she grabbed Jude's arm. "Let's go back to your dorm now. I want to talk to Josh. Well more or less, I want you to talk to Josh." Taylor started pulling Jude.

"Jesus, Taylor, I'll talk to Josh, stop pulling so hard." Jude took his arm back from Taylor and began to walk in a slow pace. Taylor wrapped her arm around his arm again.

"Come on, slow poke." Jude sighed and Taylor let go again. "I'll race you."

"What?" There was no way she was being serious. Taylor took off and started running down the stairs of the building. "Holy shit." She was being serious. Jude chased after her out of the building across campus to the dorms.

When Jude and Taylor made it back to the dorm they were both panting. Taylor had won the race and unfortunately, Jude wasn't going to hear the end of it.

"I forgot to mention I ran cross country in high school." Taylor spoke between breaths.

"That is so not fair!"

"Yeah I even went slow for you." Taylor retorted.

"Don't tell me that! I swear that's the first time I've ran anywhere. Well other than from people." Jude's voice trailed off as he pushed his dorm room door open.

Not surprisingly, there was another girl in the room with Josh. Also it wasn't a surprise that they were making out on Josh's bed.

"Josh!" Taylor screeched.

"Jesus dude, we need some sort of sign on the door." The girl in Josh's bed looked horrified as she stared between Jude and Taylor.

"You're just jealous that you haven't caught this babe." Josh replied with a smile. "Whoa, holy shit, Jude. You just spoke!" Josh jumped off the girl readjusting his clothing and looked between Taylor and Jude. "Dude like, I didn't think you'll speak again." Josh was about to hug Jude before Taylor stood in between them.

Taylor cleared her throat and pointed at Josh's pants, or rather lack of pants. "You might want to get some pants." Taylor and Jude looked at each other then to the girl in the bed. She was totally embarrassed. "If it means anything to you sweetheart, you look wonderful." Taylor tried being nice.

"Also don't worry, Josh is gay." Jude added at the end.

"Bro! Babe, I'm not gay." Josh turned to look at the girl in the bed, who was still horrified.

"I-I-I'm go-go." The girl got up and grabbed her shirt and left the room.

"Guys, I totally scored with her!" Josh was trying to pout the best he could. "She was a total babe and you guys ruined it."

"You should try not to objectify women while I'm here." Taylor had her best death glare pointed to Josh. This made Jude laugh.

"Alright, before Josh tries hitting on you." Jude began. "What are we going to do for the next 3 hours?"

"What are you doing in 3 hours?" Josh questioned.

"Nothing." Taylor quickly spoke.

"We got a double date." Jude spoke at about the same time.

"Wait." Josh smiled. "You guys are going on a double date? Who are you bringing?" Taylor and Jude looked at each other.

"Taylor is totally hooking me up with her friend from high school."

"Gross." Josh retorted.

"He's not in high school anymore." Taylor responded.

"Oh, then, good. I think while you're out I'm going to find a party, if you guys get bored you guys could come too." Josh smiled.

"Can you please put some pants on, athletic shorts, I really don't care. Just put something on, cause those boxers are ugly." Taylor was avoiding Josh's figure.

"Oh yeah." Josh started to walk over to his dresser. "Are you sure, because."

"Just put something on." Jude responded this time. "And we'll think about the party."

"Cool." Josh said swiftly putting the shorts on. "Well I'm going to go see if I can find a date as well so we can all go together."

"Why don't you ask that girl?" Jude seemed genuinely confused. "I mean you guys were going pretty heavy at it."

"I didn't get her number." Josh seemed disappointed. "She was a total catch."

"Yeah you've said that." Taylor glared daggers into Josh.

"Taylor, stop looking at me like that." Taylor kept staring. "Please Taylor!" Josh made it sound like he was pleading, Jude laughed.

"Well you better go now, if you want to find someone to go with you tonight." Taylor looked at Jude.

"Are you really inviting him?"

"Yeah, why not? Things won't get as awkward as quickly." Jude smiled.

"So where are we going again?" Josh asked.

"Oh Lance's Diner across the street." Taylor pointed in a direction that Jude couldn't decide was the right way.

"Oh awesome!" Josh seemed excited. "The owner Lance, he only hires people from the LGBT community. He's really cool!"

"Wait, really?" Taylor asked. "Wait, how do you know that?"

"Lance goes to school here at night."

"How old is Lance?" Jude tried not to seem too interested.

"Oh he's in his thirties maybe forties. He's in my marketing class."

"Oh cool." Taylor could hear the disappointment in his tone.

"Jude, you have a date tonight! Don't go looking for a backup plan too soon." Taylor shook Jude lightly making Jude laugh.

"Well, I'm just trying to think who's the safer investment. I mean who has the money? I can't work all the time." Jude gave a cheeky grin. "I mean, you should understand that."

"Alright smart guy." Taylor began. "I was just joking about that!"

"Yeah, yeah, but we know there was some truth in there." Jude smiled and looked at Josh. "Hey how about I invite my friend Maddie to go with you?"

"Is she pretty? I mean, I can't go out with someone who isn't as attractive as me."

"Stop lying to yourself, kiddo." Taylor giggled.

"I'm gay, how am I supposed to know if she's pretty?"

"Gay people can tell if someone is pretty." Josh retorted. "And don't think I'm letting this slide. I'm kind of mad this is the first time you mentioned you're gay."

"I thought everyone knew." Jude looked at the ground.

"I'm not everyone." Josh replied. "However I do know Taylor is a complete lez."

"Guilty." Taylor threw her hands up.

"Alright well since we are all coming out, I might as well just admit that I've slept with a guy once." Jude and Taylor both stared at Josh with their mouths open. "Guys, you going to catch flies. Besides I'm mostly demisexual with guys. However the ladies are my sweet spot."

"You're fucked up dude."

"It's not flattering for girls to speak like that."

"Well, it's a good thing I'm not attracted to you huh?" Taylor and Josh were glaring each other down.

"Okay, okay, girls you're both pretty." Jude interjected

"I know." Taylor flipped her hair a smile replacing her stern look.

"Invite this Maddie over. I want to meet her." Josh said as continued to glare at Taylor.

"Okay. But no promises that she'll agree."

"I have a backup plan if that fails."

"Yeah Jude, he has a backup plan." Taylor had a playful smile. Jude made a guess and decided that she liked messing with Josh.

As Jude pulled out his phone he saw that he had a missed call. He didn't recognize the number, but whoever it was they left a voicemail. 'I'll check it later' Jude thought and dismissed the notification so he could text Maddie.

It was now 6:30 and the group had gathered in the meeting spot by a tree planted in the middle of the campus grounds. Jude met Roy for the first time, who didn't really seem interested in Jude. Whenever Jude would try to hold a conversation, Roy seemed to be distracted by something else. 'Whatever, who cares?'

"Alright guys, let's get going!" Taylor cheered. "Lance's Diner here we come!"

The group started walking, Taylor holding Daria's arm. Maddie walking and talking close to Josh, who was smirking, and Jude and Roy who both had neutral expressions. Yeah this was going to be fun.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Ooh ooh

The small gang walked into the shiny diner. The owner obviously took care of the restaurant and the appearance he was trying to keep. The small diner had rainbow flags, posters of attractive men and women, rainbow salt shakes, hell the waiters wore rainbow tutus over their jeans.

"Holy shit." Taylor exclaimed as they entered. "LGBT friendly is an understatement."

"Told you! Lance has the best place ever!" Josh responded.

A women came up to greet the young adults. "Hello darlings, how many do we have today?" Her voice was very cheery.

"Six, please!" Jude took the opportunity to speak first. For some unknown reason Jude really thought speaking would impress his date. But when he looked at Roy, the other man wasn't even paying attention to him.

What made things worse for Jude is that Roy was eyeing up Josh. Josh wasn't even that attractive, if you put the two of them next to each other, Jude was obviously more attractive. Jude laughed inside his head. Okay he was lying because Josh was very attractive.

"Alright dolls," She grabbed 6 menus and lead them to a table. "Alright dollies, one of the babes will be out to get your order."

"Thanks!" Taylor nearly shouted grabbing Daria's hand bringing her to two seats next to each other. Josh and Maddie sat next to each other across from Daria and Taylor. And Roy rushed to sit next to Josh leaving the seat next to Taylor open. Jude sighed as he sat next to Taylor.

Taylor picked up on Jude's mood because she gave a light tap on his Jude's leg making him look at Taylor. "So what looks good?" Jude looked back at the menu. He didn't even have a chance to open the menu yet.

"If they have pancakes and lots of syrup, I'll survive." Jude decided now that he was going to look at menu even though he had already made his mind up. The waited showed up and started placing silverware.

"Good evening." The waiter was quick as he moved around the table.  
Welcome to Lance's Diner, my name is…"

"Connor?" Taylor screeched. Jude flipped his head to see Connor and Connor was just as surprised.

"Oh, uh, hey guys." Connor looked around the table in fear. "Ca-Can I-I get you guys something to-to," Connor made eye contact with Jude. "drink." His voice was barely audible.

"You work here?" Josh said behind a fit of giggles.

"Obviously." Connor spoke confidently again. "What do you guys want to drink?"

"Coke." Roy finally spoke with a smile starting the drink orders. They went around the table until they reached Jude. Jude tried speaking but words wouldn't come out.

"Jude?" Connor asked. "Drink?" Taylor turned and faced Jude seeing that he was bright red.

"Get him a water." Daria spoke up harshly to Connor.

"And we need to talk later." Taylor spoke next shocking Jude.

"Nice tutu." Josh and Maddie giggled, which made Roy giggle, which earned a glare from Daria, shutting everyone up.

"I'll be back." Connor walked away.

"What is he the terminator?" Roy said and laughed, only earning more glares from Daria.

"Oh my god guys." Josh began. "Did you see that tutu?" Maddie giggled in response.

"Josh please." Taylor looked at Jude. "Jude are you okay?" Jude turned to stare at Taylor, her face full of concern. Jude opened his mouth to speak but once again words didn't come out and Jude nodded his head slowly. "O-okay Jude." Taylor grabbed Jude's shoulder and gave a light squeeze. "You'll be fine."

Connor came back with a tray of drinks putting Jude's down last Jude tried to say thank you but he couldn't tell if it was audible. "Alright, what are you sweethearts getting tonight?" Connor spoke so sweetly it was surprising.

"Sweethearts?" Josh cooed.

"Sweethearts minus Josh." Connor spoke sarcastically. "Working here changes my vocabulary."

"It's much more colorful." Taylor interjected.

"Like that tutu." Josh added.

"I don't know if you noticed." Connor raised his arms and did a 360. "This whole place is colorful. Now order something I'm off in fifteen minutes." Connor had a pad of paper in his hand and a pen in the other.

Everyone must have ordered because Connor was staring at Jude again. Jude just stared into those beautiful hazel eyes. Connor licked his lips quickly before speaking.

"Jude, please order something." Connor pleaded with Jude. "I really want to go home tonight." Connor's voice was light.

"I'm pretty sure he wants the pancakes. Right Jude?" Taylor ordered for Jude, and Jude nodded.

"Alright, well I'll put the order in. Oh Jude, we have to start our math homework later." Jude turned and stared at Connor confused. "You got the email right? We have to work together."

'Oh no.' Was the only thought in Jude's mind.

"How about we meet up tomorrow?" Jude didn't say anything. However he did stand up and promptly walked towards the men's restroom.

"Jude?" Taylor caught up to him. "Don't go mute on me again." Taylor took Jude's hand. "Please Jude."

"I can't." Jude spoke. "I keep seeing that, uh, night." Taylor squeezed his hand. "What am I going to do?" Jude ran his free hand in his hair.

"Jude?" Connor had walked into the restroom now. Connor eyed Taylor. "Look I need to explain some things."

"Yeah you do." Taylor spoke for Jude. "Like number one on my list is why you're working at an all LGBT diner acting like nothing is going on. Connor you sleep with a different girl, like, every night."

"That's not even remotely true." Connor responded.

"Oh really?" Taylor said more as a statement than a question. The restroom once again opened and this time Daria was there.

"I need to say something." Daria plainly stated. "You can stay and listen or you can leave. But I just need to say something."

"What is it Daria?" Jude couldn't tell if Connor meant to yell that.

"Wait Daria." Taylor began.

"Let me speak." Daria glared at Taylor, this was the first time Jude remembered seeing that. "Now Jude, I'm sorry about what happened last week. I was the one who dared Connor to kiss you." Jude and Taylor looked at each other then looked back at Daria. "And I know you probably blamed Taylor." Jude shrugged as he looked at Taylor again. "Look, Connor is a good guy but, he's stupid."

"Hey!"

"It's true. Connor feels like shit about it. He has literally not shut up about it. Look, all I was trying to do was make Connor comfortable with himself."

Jude stared at Daria for what felt like an eternity. Then Jude laughed and everyone stared.

"This…This, is a dream." Jude spoke and began walking towards the door. "Nothing but a dream. And once I get home. I'll wake up." Jude lightly pushed pass Daria. "Just need to wake up." Jude said to no one.

"Jude." Taylor sighed.

"No, wait, wait till I wake up."

"Jude you are awake." Connor spoke and Jude turned to glare at him. "I'm seriously am sorry Jude. And I'm really shit at this but, can we start fresh." Jude stared. "Please. Jude."

"No!" Jude yelled scaring all of the others. "I'm going to go home. Look Taylor thanks for inviting me out to meet Roy. But he's a complete asshole." Taylor nodded in agreement. "Also, tonight has really killed my self-esteem. The stuff I barely had any to begin with. And I just want to go back to my dorm and pretend I don't exist."

"Jude wait." Connor went to block Jude but Taylor held him back.

"At least eat with us." Taylor spoke, Jude head the pleading in her voice.

"I'm not hungry."

"Why do you hate yourself so much?" Everyone turned to Connor quickly. "Who hurt you so badly?" Connor moved Taylor out of the way. "You're perfect Jude. I've only known you for a week and I know you're perfect." Jude's mind was screaming. "I'm sorry Jude. I'm so sorry that I hurt you. And I'm so sorry that you feel so hurt."

"I'm going home." Jude threw the door of the restroom open and walked through the vibrant diner finding the exit.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine: I don't know, what can I do?

Jude didn't go directly home like he said he was. Jude did however go to a gas station and buy a shiny bottle tequila. The best part was that the cashier that let him buy the booze didn't even care that Jude was under the legal age to drink.

While he was at it, he bought barbeque chips. Jude reasoned that if he was going to get drunk, he might as well get junk food. Junk food and alcohol, win-win. There was one fatal flaw in his plan. He had no fucking clue on how to get home. He also didn't know where he was. And there was no way he was going to stop and ask. The people around were way too frightening to approach.

"Fuck." Jude muttered over and over again. Jude pulled out his cell and it was nearly 9:00 PM. That meant it was dark. "Where the fuck am I?"

Jude's breaths started quickening and the world started spinning. Another panic attack. This panic attack was probably the worst thing that could happen in this moment however. Jude as still as possible, pulled the alcohol out of the bag. Now was the perfect time to start drinking.

The male brought the bottle of tequila to his lips and took a gulp of the liquid, heat quickly spreading through his body. "Holy shit, that's disgusting." Jude spoke to himself as he took another gulp. Jude figured he looked crazy, out at night drinking a bottle of tequila and speaking to himself.

"You better not drink that all at once." A lady walked by with heavy tattoos and piercings, and she had a playful smile. Jude didn't know what she meant by it but he was starting to feel buzzed.

"I can handle myself." Jude whispered as he started to cross the street. He was still lost but his liquid courage made him feel a little better. Jude took another large gulp as he reached the other side.

As he took another gulp he ran into someone, making Jude giggle.

"Sorry." Tried to say before the man grabbed Jude. This only made Jude giggle some more. "Get off, I need to go home." The man gripped harder.

"Watch where you're going fag!" The man yelled, alcohol on his breath as well greeted Jude.

"You ran into me." Jude shrugged the guy off while the man swung at Jude, connecting his fist to Jude's face. "Ooof." Jude fell onto the pavement as the guy was about to swing again. This time someone tackled the man and Jude got up and began walking off, hearing the fight between the two people.

Jude decided at this point he wasn't going to intervene. They could figure out their differences without him. He started walking down the avenue, unsteadily, forgetting his chips and alcohol.

Jude kept giggling to himself but he couldn't figure out why. Was this the alcohol, because Jude definitely beginning to like this drunken state. 'I could get used to this.'

That's when Jude remembered the bottle of tequila and realized it wasn't in his hand. "Dammit!" Jude screeched at the top of his lungs, kicking the brick wall of a building he was walking by.

As he kicked, pain began to emerge in his foot and he feel to the ground. Jude had obviously kicked the building much harder than he meant to. So instead of kicking it, he leaned his back against the wall as he sat.

Jude reached and grabbed his foot in pain and started taking off his shoe. Rubbing the sore foot as it was bare.

Jude started to sing while rubbing and staring at his foot.

"What is Love?  
Baby, don't hurt me."

Jude began to tear up as thoughts of Connor came to mind. But instead he started laughing. Jude closed his eyes and listened to the world around him moving. Everything was so slow, the cards passing by, the footsteps that would go by. Jude thought he heard people stop and he figured they were making sure he was alive.

Suddenly there was a screaming noise from Jude's pocket. It sounded like Taylor screaming. That meant only one thing, Taylor was calling. Jude had most of his friends scream into his phone so he could use it as the ringtone whenever they called. They were kind of like Pokémon in a Pokedex, Jude reasoned.

Jude moved the phone to his ear. "Mm?" Jude made a noise while he still kept his eyes shut and he was slightly drunk. (Slightly was probably an understatement).

"Where the fuck are you Jude?!" Taylor practically screamed in his ear. Jude only laughed in response. "Jude, this isn't funny!" Jude just giggled some more. "Dammit Jude!" Taylor took a deep breath. "Where are you Jude?" Taylor practically begged.

"Don't know Ta." Jude Laughed. "Ta. Ta. Ta." Jude repeated and continued laughing even louder.

"Are you drunk?" There was an audible 'what' said in the background. The voice on the phone changed.

"Jude where are you? I'll come get you." The male spoke over the phone. Jude's brain was jumbled on who that person on the line was. Then it hit him.

"Zeus?"

"Yeah, it's me bud." Jesus on the other end. "Look, either come back home, or tell me where you are. Taylor is worried over here."

"Zeus." Jude's voice was disappearing.

"I'm here bud."

"I don't know where I am." Jude spoke as clearly as he could. But it didn't sound like Jesus understood what he said.

"Where?"

"I don't know!"

"Are there are street signs?"

"There's a stop sign." Jude replied followed by a set up giggles. "It's red, has eight sides."

"I know what a stop sign is." Jesus cut Jude off. "Is there a bar or something nearby?"

Jude stared at the building across the street before he realized what he was seeing. "A bar?" Jude asked. "Oh."

"What?"

"Lazlo's sports bar." Jude had gotten onto his feet and started walking towards the bar. Jude could hear Jesus tell the others where he was.

"Jude we're on our way."

"Mmm." Jude hummed again as he made it across the street and walked inside the small sports bar. Conveniently there was a spot open at the bar. As he sat the bartender gave a questioning look to Jude.

"What do you want?" The bartender spoke in a husky tone.

"What's good?" Jude slurred slightly.

"Mozzarella sticks."

"I meant drink wise." Jude shot back.

"You're already drunk. I'm not giving you alcohol."

"Fine, get me a coke or something." The bartender walked to the fountain and poured coke in a huge glass. When he came back he slammed the drink down and Jude gave him a five. "I'm not drunk." Jude whispered.

Jude took a long sip of the coke finishing it in one gulp. Jude decided he was finished with Coke and went to the restroom.

When he staggered inside of the small restroom he stood there and glanced at the mirror.

Jude didn't recognize the person in the mirror. This person had red puffy eyes, a bruised face, and a very red face. Jude wasn't able to move from the spot where he standing as he eyed everything about himself.

There was a slight tapping on the door.

"Jude?" Taylor's voice came from outside the door.

"Mm?" Jude didn't look away from the mirror as he heard the door open. Taylor and Jesus invaded the restroom, Taylor immediately hugged Jude.

"Let's get you home Jude." Taylor turned Jude towards the door revealing to Jesus in Taylor the bruise on his cheek. Jesus walked up and held Jude's chin.

"Who. The. Hell. Did. This?" Jesus spoke with venom, which Jude didn't understand why.

"What?" Jude was confused as he stared at Jesus. "Zeus, I want to go home." Jude began walking towards the door and completely lost his balance.

Taylor's breath hitched and Jesus caught the falling boy.

"Jude, holy. You, lover boy get in here." Jesus yelled.

"Stop yelling." Jude mumbled as Connor entered the restroom. "Ner." Jude gave a half smile to Connor as he passed out in Jesus' arm.

When Jude woke up he felt something touching his back. But that was nothing compared to the migraine that Jude woke up with. Jude fell out of the bed and he landed on to something lumpy.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" The lumpy body on the ground screamed.

"Zeus?" Jude asked.

"Morning." Connor sat up in Jude's bed.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Jude screamed this time.

"OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Josh yelled this time from his bed.


	10. Chapter 10

What is Love? Chapter Ten: What can I say, it's up to you?

 **A/N: Holy shit. We got to ten chapters. Like whoa. Thanks for all the support in this series, I've never seen such an amazing fandom.**

"I just want to sleep." Josh whined from his bed as Jude was standing above Jesus.

"Why are you in my bed?" Jude glared strongly at Connor.

"You asked him last night to sleep with you." Jesus spoke underneath Jude.

"Yeah, what he said, now will you be quiet so I can sleep." Josh spoke again.

"You did ask." Connor's voice croaked. "Now can we go back to sleep." Connor yawned soon followed by Jude.

"And where do you expect me to sleep." Jude's head was pounding. "Never mind, I'm just going to find some aspirin." Jude left the bed area to the small makeshift kitchen they had set up and found the medicine cabinet. Noticing that there wasn't really anything there. "Josh where is the aspirin?"

"I think there's some over here." Josh yelled back. "I'm going out to buy some more tonight." Jude walked back over and saw a little bottle of aspirin on a dresser that belonged to Josh. When Jude picked up the small bottle and put two pills into his mouth swallowing without any water.

As Jude looked around the room, he saw that all the other boys fell asleep already. Jude looked at the time seeing that it's only 6 in the morning. Just had a class at 2 o'clock today so he figured he could go back to sleep.

Uncomfortably, Jude got back into his bed with Connor laying there. However he did not fall asleep immediately like the others. He laid there and he felt Connor's body move closer to Jude's.

Jude tried not to move from where he was sitting, but when one of Connor's arms ended up on Jude's chest making Jude hold his breath. For some reason, this calmed Jude and freighted him. It felt right for Connor being in the same bed as Jude though.

Connor had some explaining to do when they wake back up.

Honestly Jude was confused about Connor. Jude reasoned that he should hate Connor because of the whole Connor trying to kiss Jude incident but sleeping next to him softened him to Connor.

Also Connor wasn't asleep. Jude noticed that his breathing was off. "Connor." Jude whispered, no response from Connor. "Connor, I know you're awake."

"What?" Connor responded, sleepily and husky.

"I'm going to start charging you if you keep your arm on me." Jude joked, but secretly hoping that he didn't remove it. Instead of moving the arm he moved his whole body. Jude turned to look at Connor only to notice that Connor was staring at him.

Something clicked inside of Jude, because when he got lost into those hazel eyes he felt free. Jude could get lost in those eyes so easily. "Oh what the fuck." Jude leant in and kissed Connor's lips feeling Connor kiss back.

The kiss didn't last more than 5 seconds, but that's probably all it took for Jude. Jude still lost in Connor's eyes trying to find anything to say that he was feeling it too. But what was Jude feeling? Jude didn't know and things were starting to get awkward as Connor was staring back at him. "Uh." Jude started to talk.

"Jude, shut up." Connor mumbled and he readjusted himself so he was practically snuggling up to Jude. "Just sleep." Connor wrapped his arms around Jude's waist and pulled him in close so that Jude's head was barely above Connor's.

"Connor."

"Sleep." Jude could see that Connor's eyes were closed and this time Jude complied with Connor's wishes. Not before he could play with Connor's hair however.

Jude heard shuffling around his room and he partially opened his eyes. He was surprised to see that Connor was there gripping onto Jude for dear life. Jude wanted to move to see what was going on around the small dorm, but seeing Connor sleeping peacefully stopped any movement Jude was planning. Was this real? Was he really in his bed?

Jude moved his hand slightly with the intention to touch Connor's hair again but the movement made Connor flinch. "Morning." Jude said quietly to the waking blonde.

"Mmm." Connor replied tiredly removing himself from Jude. Connor's eyes were squinting like he was still asleep and he stared at Jude. "You have morning breath." Connor simply said as he squirmed out of the bed.

"Wha- so do you!" Jude replied as quickly as he could.

"Get a room you two." Jude heard Jesus yell making Jude turn to see him shirtless.

"What are you doing here Zeus?" Jude questioned the sight of his brother. "I mean it's great to see you here and everything but uh." Jude stopped talking before he could get in anymore trouble.

"I wanted to visit my baby brother. Is that a problem?" Jesus picked up a shirt off the ground and started to put it on.

"Hey that's mine." Josh said from the kitchen.

"I'll take good care of it." Jesus replied back, Connor walking past him. "Hey lover boy."

"Fuck off, I haven't had coffee yet." Connor spoke irritated.

"Jesus, what happened? I mean, like, last night."

"I was going to ask you that baby bro. I mean you were totally not acting like you."

"Tell me about it." Josh spoke from the kitchen. "I mean, when you got back you were like totally passed out in Connor's arms. Taylor was so fucking worried man! Like she was losing her mind when we didn't find you here last night. That's when we found Jesus."

"Yeah, they came into the room and saw me and practically freaked."

"Dude you broke into my room! I had every reason to be freaking out. Now that we're talking about it though, how did you get in?"

"You left the door unlocked." Jesus spoke nonchalantly.

"He probably picked the lock." Jude got out of the bed this time. "He's pretty good at that."

"You're not supposed to tell people dude!" Jesus walked into the kitchen this time slowly walking past Josh and Connor.

"YO! Don't touch my butt!" Josh practically yelled. "Perv!"

"My bad bro!" Jesus put up the defensive. "Trust me you're not my type."

"Not even the right gender." Jude added. "Connor can we talk?" Jude stared into the kitchen.

"Not until I have my coffee." Connor was glaring at a wall. "And you have some clothes on." Jude quickly looked down to notice that he was shirtless and was only in boxers.

"Oh my god!" Jude squeaked before jumping back into his bed to cover himself with the blankets. "Why didn't you tell me I was naked!?"

"Well you really weren't. You have boxers on." Jude ripped the blankets off the bed as Josh spoke. "Look we're all guys here, calm down."

"Although, he's never taken his shirt off before. Not even at the beach." Jesus slowly turned to face Jude. "Why are you hiding your body?"

"I-I-I-I." Jude stumbled as there was a loud banging on the door.

"The doors open!" Josh yelled as the door swung open.

"Hey guys!" Taylor yelled making Jude clutch his blanket harder. Taylor eyed him at first and then looked at the boys in the kitchen. "Holy wambloney Connor. Put some pants on." Jude just now noticing Connor was only in his boxers and how ripped Connor's body was.

Jude was lost as he looked Connor up and down, he didn't even notice when Taylor walked up to him. "Jude." Jude kept staring at Connor's abs. "Jude." Jude didn't hear Taylor until she started snapping her fingers in front of Jude's face. "Earth to Jude!"

"Uh, um, uh. Taylor!" Jude glanced to the ground.

"Put some clothes on buddy, we have class in like 20 minutes." Jude's head perked up and looked at the time on the alarm clock.

"Holy fuck!" Jude screamed dropping the blanket, running to his dresser.

"Wow, you're naked too?" Taylor joked behind him.

"Shut up!" Jude yelled back opening the dresser throwing on a shirt. "We need to go!" Jude grabbed his backpack on the floor and began to run out.

"JUDE PANTS!" Jesus yelled this time.

"Fuck!" Jude ran back to his dresser and threw on some shorts.

"Jeez little bro, watch your language." Jesus laughed. "I'll have to tell moms."

"You tell moms and I kill you. Besides I'm an adult now, I do what I want." Jude turned his head towards Jesus giving an evil smile.

"Whatever, you're not that scary." Jude gently began to run towards the door.

"You wanna bet?" Josh mumbled to Jesus as Jude ran out the door.

"Wait Jude!" Jesus yelled again making Jude run back into the dorm.

"What Zeus, I'm running late!" Jude was jumping between feet. Jesus walked over to him and gave Jude a hug.

"Okay, now go fuck off and have a good day at school." Jesus waved his hand as Jude was released from his grip.

"Whatever." Jude smiled and left to catch up to Taylor who was already halfway down the dorm.

"Come on Jude!"

"I'm coming!"

"Ew gross!"

"NOT LIKE THAT TAYLOR!" Jude caught up to the young female and got into the elevator both of them smiling at each other.


	11. Chapter 11

What is Love? Chapter 11: I know we're right, just me and you.

"So?" Taylor asked with a questioning look.

"What?" Jude asked back, confused by the look.

"Did you guys do it?" Taylor bluntly spoke.

"Wait what, did I do what?"

"You know, the, thing." Taylor started moving her hands as she spoke. She made an O shape with her one hand and put her index finger through it.

"Oh." Jude stared. "TAYLOR!" Jude screamed as he slowly realized what she asked.

"Well?"

"No, Taylor we did not do it. God do you know how weird that would be?" Jude shuttered imagining Josh and Jesus watching him and Connor do it. Jude imitated someone puking.

"Well I figured that Jesus and Josh would get in it."

"What the hell?" Jude glared at Taylor. "Like a four-some? God that's gross Taylor."

"Well, I mean, why not?"

"First off," Jude raised his hand and flicked his index finger out. "Jesus is my brother!" Taylor laughed. "Second off," His middle finger was out. "There is nothing going on between me and Connor for us to have sex."

"Mhm. That's why you were in your boxers."

"That's really not my fault. I was drunk and when I woke up, I was in my boxers and Connor was in my bed."

"Connor was in your bed?" Taylor smiled playfully at Jude. "Mmm things are starting to heat up for you two."

"Oh my god Taylor, we just shared a bed. It's not that crazy." Taylor rolled her eyes.

"Pa-lease, you two definitely were getting your cuddle on." Taylor grabbed Jude's wrist and started walking the opposite direction of the class.

"Taylor, nothing happened! I swear!" Jude picked up on what Taylor was doing. "Look Taylor, I know my sense of direction isn't the greatest." Taylor snickered.

"You can say that again."

"I know my sense of direction isn't the greatest." Jude sassed.

"Okay I get it. You want to know where we are going."

"Yes."

"Well not to class. I have other plans."

"T, my backpack is heavy. I could've just left it in my dorm." Jude sighed.

"Well that's your own fault for bringing it. Besides, we might need it later. Look just trust me."

"Tay. Come on, I really don't want to fail my class, it's only the second week."

"Exactly, it's the second week, nothing important is going on right now! We can just get the stuff we need on the website anyways." Taylor was waving her hand back and forth. "Now let's just go and enjoy our time off."

"Fine, but at least tell me where we're going."

"Can't tell you that. I'll give you three chances to guess though." Jude sighed as the female taunted him.

"Why can't you just tell me?" Jude did the best pouting face he could conjure.

"Jude, your bitch face is more convincing than that pout. Besides it doesn't suit you. Now guess!"

"Okay, well, what is there to do around here?" Jude asked himself. "Are we going bowling?"

"Bowling? Well I'll put that on my list of things we need to do, but no, we are not going bowling."

"Hmm. Are we going to a strip club?" Jude asked half-joking.

"At this time of day?"

"Okay fine, that was a stupid guess." Jude rolled his eyes.

"Now if it was like nine I would think about it."

"Taylor!" Jude lightly tapped Taylor's arm.

"One more guess Jude."

"Is it something to do with me going on a date?" Taylor gave a half smile, not responding to the question. "Oh my god Taylor. If you are making me miss a class because of a date." Jude pointed at her. "We are so going to fight."

"Oh come on Jude, you need a break. This week has been hell and you need to blow off some steam."

"Oh god Taylor. Who is meeting us there? Please don't tell me it's Roy again."

"No, no don't worry. Daria is one of the people meeting us there. Trust me Jude!" Taylor sounded like she was pleading.

"Okay, but last time you said that, I ended up going on a shitty date and I got drunk."

"Really drunk. I remember Jude. I promise this one will be better." Taylor smiled. "Actually don't even think of it as a date. It's more like." Taylor paused and ran her fingers through her hair. "Like a get together."

"Okay?"

"Okay!" Taylor said cheery.

"But seriously. Who's going to be there?"

"JUUUUDDDEEE! Just wait, we'll be there soon." Taylor rolled her eyes. "Jude?"

Jude glanced to see that Taylor was staring at him.

"What, T?" Jude formed a slight smile.

"Do you like Connor?" There wasn't any sort of playful tone in Taylor's voice.

"I don't know T. I just don't." Jude sighed. "I kissed him last night, well I guess this morning." Jude stared at the ground. "And I slept in his arms. And-and, it felt amazing Taylor." Jude started to play with his hands. "I just don't know T."

"How do you not know?" Taylor just gave an honest smile.

"I just don't know how to feel about him Tay." Jude glanced. "I mean, Connor was my first kiss ever!"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Taylor, I haven't even been in a real relationship." Jude nervously laughed. "What is love? I listen to that song all the time and-and I can't figure out the answer."

"Well, I think you should make the first move with Connor. Ask him out on a date or something."

"Taylor, I'm 100 percent sure that Connor doesn't like me like that." Jude tried reasoning with Taylor.

"Okay let's think about this." Taylor moved her arm so that it was around Jude's. "You kissed him, so I'm guessing he let you do this."

"Yeah he did, and he kissed back. I was the one who initiated it, I guess, and I was the first to pull away."

"Okay. Let's break that down first. Connor kissed you back. That's a good sign!" Taylor said a little too excited for Jude's liking.

"Yeah, but you know, he has fuck boy tendencies."

"Oh, Jude! You weren't there when he explained everything."

"What do you mean?" Jude eyed the girl carefully.

"He's a virgin. You know how everyone says he's like slept with all the girls at the parties?" Jude nodded his head slowly. "If he notices that a girl is really drunk at a party or something and sees some guys taking advantage of her or something he'll slip in and bring the girl back to his dorm."

"What about Dylan though?"

"Dylan's never there! When Dylan sees Connor come back with a girl he leaves the two alone. He's been assuming that he's sleeping with them." Jude was so confused, you could see it on his face.

"But, all the girls who said they've had sex with Connor."

"Yeah I know, Connor said that when they wake up he just tells them they had sex and tells them to get out. But in all actuality he's never even touched any of those girls! Isn't this great!"

"So Connor is like the opposite of a fuck boy." Jude stared at Taylor's foot. "Holy shit. What if he does like me?" Jude immediately turns to face Taylor.

"Make the first move!"

"I'm not ready for that though. And honestly I'm still fucking pissed about his whole truth and dare act." Taylor's pace quickened.

"Jude, you need to move past that. Seriously, he was being dumb and he didn't know that you would be offended. Besides, when people play Truth or Dare bad things always happen." Taylor's arm squeezed a little harder around Jude's arm.

"Did you have a bad experience with Truth or Dare, Taylor?" Taylor's grip loosened and frowned.

"Yeah, but let's not talk about that okay?" Jude gave a slight nod.

"So is Connor going to be there?"

"Look Jude, I don't know who's all going to be there. Jesus didn't really…"

"Zeus? What does this have to do with Zeus?"

"Opps, let that out of the bag." Taylor put a hand in front of her mouth. "Fine, I'll tell you this. Jesus invited lover boy." She used her free hand to make air quotes.

"You still haven't answered my question."

"You'll figure it out." Taylor was making a face that Jude couldn't figure out. "Jude."

"What are you thinking about?"

"Can I ask you, a serious question? Somethings really been bothering me."

"What's up with our serious talks lately?"

"It's important in any friendship." Taylor stared at Jude waiting for an answer.

"What do you want to know? I'm an open book."

"Why did you hurt yourself? Why do you panic so easily? I mean, why are you, like you?"

"Why did I hurt myself? Well, when I'm in emotional pain, it sometimes helps to create physical pain. In high school, I felt alone. All my siblings were out in college and stuff and I was by myself. I didn't have friends. Everyone was really mean." Jude shrugged. "I don't know how to handle some situations."

"Well Jude, this is your life now. You have me, Daria, Josh, Maddie and even Connor. Jude we'll always be here for you, okay, so don't ever feel like that we'll never be here okay because we're always here." Taylor grabbed Jude and hugged him tightly. "I love you buddy."

"I love you too, T." Jude was holding back tears at this point. "Now will you tell me where we're going?"

"FINE!" Taylor laughed. "Jesus invited us to go to a party at the house he's moving into. Happy?"

"Zeus got a house!? How did I not know about this?!"

"Well I'm pretty sure your moms don't know yet either. He wanted to surprise you the other night. We do need to make one stop before we get there though." Taylor pointed to a gas station. "I promised I'd get a two liter."

Jude and Taylor continued on their way for what seemed like an eternity to Jude. Taylor finally stopped walking and Jude checked the time on his phone noticing it was 3:00. "Taylor how far did we walk?"

"I took the scenic route. It should've only taken us fifteen minutes."

"What the hell Taylor?" Jude couldn't resist laughing.

"Well I needed to make sure they got here before we did. It's this one here!" Taylor jumped excitedly and ran to the front of the house, Jude following in suite.

Taylor practically broke the door down when she entered the house. "We're here bitches!" Taylor yelled as they entered the hallway. Connor and Daria were the first to greet them and then Jesus showed up.

"Hello bitches." Jude said with a smile.

"That's gonna take a bit to get used to." Jesus laughed. "Still not used to Judicorn cussing."

"Judicorn?!" Connor and Taylor scoffed at the same time.

"Yeah that's what my sister calls him."

"Please don't." Jude pleaded.

"Oh come on Judicorn!" Connor joked. "It's cute!"

"Cute wasn't the word I was going to use." Daria spoke this time.

Connor walked up to Jude and gave him a hug. "You feeling better?" Connor spoke into Jude's ear while they were embraced.

"Yeah, I'm alright." Jude said with an honest smile.

"Good because we are gonna turn up!" Connor yelled ripping himself apart from Jude. "Jesus where's the booze!?"

"In the kitchen. But before you start drinking I got some ground rules."

"What?" Connor's attitude changing.

"Rule number one, no one leaves this house drunk. So if you're drunk you stay here. Rule number two, there are no other rules." Jesus gives a mysterious smile. "Now get your drink on boys and girls."

Jude started to walk towards Jesus' kitchen and he felt something hit his bottom. Jude knew his face was red when he turned around and saw Connor there giving a cheeky smile. 'This bitch.'


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve: Ooh, ooh yeah

"Did you just?"

"I did."

'What. The. Fuck?' Jude thought. "Connor, a word if you don't mind." Jude reached for Connor's arm and brought him outside the house. When they reached the destination of his choice Jude took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"So?" Connor was staring at Jude when he reopened his eyes.

"What are you doing? I'm just really confused about all of this. Like, last week you were a total prick and today you were in my bed and I kissed you. I-I-I…" Jude's voice trailed off.

"Jude, I'm really sorry about last week. I wish you'd understand that."

"Do you understand why I was so pissed?" Jude tried to read Connor's facial expression.

"Well, not at first. But I-I blame that on the fact I can kiss anyone and pretend to like it." Jude's breathing hitched and he shut the eyes again briefly.

"Wait." Jude threw a hand in front of himself. "When we kissed this morning. Did-Did you… pretend?" Jude whispered tears threatening to appear. "Oh my god." Jude gasped.

"What happened this morning wasn't pretend Jude." Jude turned around so his back was facing Connor.

"Gi-give me a second. I-I need to think." Jude took a deep breath and stared at the clouds, listening to the rustling of grass. Then he felt arms wrap around his waist.

"I'm sorry Jude." Connor whispered in his ear. "I didn't mean to hurt you like that."

"Let's just go back to my original question again." Jude didn't particularly listen to what Connor had said. "What are you doing? Because normal friends don't do things like…" Jude motioned the fact that Connor was holding him. "This. And I don't even know if we're friends yet because I have this thing about holding grudges."

"You're right." Connor let go and took several steps back. "Okay. Well let's talk about this. Why were you so pissed about the whole kissing thing last week? And before you answer that question, I'm not asking about the fact that I was acting like a douche. Something has clearly happened in your past." Jude wandered in his thoughts.

"What happened in my past?" Jude repeated running a hand through his hair turning around slowly to face Connor. "Do you really want to do that here?"

"Jude you kissed me this morning." Connor gulped. "I want to know what I should be expecting." Connor took a step closer to Jude. "I want to know, if we have a chance. If that means that we need to reveal our skeletons, then so be it." Connor started to remove his shirt.

"What are you doing?" Jude tried not to stare as Connor lifted his shirt over his head. When Jude examined the body, he saw a scar that he didn't notice earlier that morning.

Connor walked closer to Jude, shirt in hand, at a measured pace. "I show you my skeletons, and you show me yours." Connor outstretched his hand waiting for Jude to shake it.

"Do we really need to do this here?" Jude tried stalling.

"I want to get this out of the way now. I want to be your friend Jude. Do you understand that?" Connor waited for Jude to respond.

"How about we make a deal? You go on with what you wanted to tell me, and when we are back at the dorms I'll tell you what you want." Jude retaliated, smiling, a sad smile, but a smile in the least.

"I can agree to that. But you have to promise." Connor stared intently.

"I promise." Jude whispered loud enough for Connor to hear. Jude reached his hand out and took Connor's for a handshake.

"Okay." Connor dragged his finger against the scar on his chest. "Well, let's take a trip into my past." Connor took a deep breath. "I always knew I was… different from everyone. I just didn't want to admit it." Connor paused and let out a nervous laugh. "My dad didn't want me to be different. So what does a closeted jock do to throw your dad off?" Connor laughed again.

"I got a fake girlfriend." Connor continued. "You know her as Daria. I know her as the first person to ever find out about me. Kind of." Connor ran his finger on the scar again. "My dad found out that I'm gay." Connor glanced at the ground. "I would tell you how he found out, but that's kind of embarrassing." Connor was now playing with his hands. "That's where the scar is from."

"What do you mean?" Jude spoke softly as he watched Connor, trying to find any proof of Connor lying about the whole thing. "Your dad did that to you?"

"Yeah." Jude watched as a tear ran down Connor's face. "When I got home from school. Me and Daria went back to my house like we normally did. Being the beard couple we were." Connor looked into the sky. "My dad stabbed me and-and there was blood everywhere." Jude's hand was in front of his mouth, trying to hide the shock in his eyes.

"Daria fought my dad off me." Connor's breath hitched. "Daria stabbed my dad." Jude's eyes went wide.

"What?" Jude couldn't believe what he's heard so far.

"Daria called the cops and I watched my dad bleed on the floor and-and-and…" Connor began sobbing. "And I felt relief. The man who made my life a living hell, was bleeding just like I was. And for once I thought he finally felt my pain." Jude grabbed Connor and held him close.

"Its okay, Connor. You don't have to feel that pain anymore."

"You're right, because he didn't even last week in prison. They killed him." Connor was still sobbing but on Jude's shoulder now. "Jude, he used to beat me and I wished him dead, so-so many times. Now that he is dead, I feel, like shit." Jude's grip tightened on Connor.

Jude knew what it was like to be beat. After the majority of his childhood being in the system, he knew. "Connor." Jude rubbed Connor's back while Connor bawled. "How about we just skip the party and go back to dorm okay. Just us two, and we can talk."

Connor nodded into Jude's shoulder. "Oh-kay." Connor muttered.

"I'll let the others know that we aren't staying." Jude started to pull away but Connor held onto him.

"Please, wait." Connor begged. "I'll go with you. Let me, you know." Connor sniffed and began rubbing his face so there was no sign that he was crying before.

"Your eyes give it away Connor."

"Besides we saw the whole thing." Daria spoke leaning on the door of the house. "You two go have your fun." Daria gave a weak smile to the boys and turned to walk back inside. "Connor, we will talk later." Taylor and Jesus looked at each other before following Daria.

"My night is shining armor." Connor mumbled giving a slight smile to Jude. "Let's go."

"I hope you know how to get back, because I don't."

"Yeah, no biggie." Connor started to lead the way.

"Connor."

"Yeah Jude?"

"Um. Thank you."

"What for?"

"Opening your doors."

Jude spent most of the walk quiet, but as some point their hands joined together. Jude couldn't help but think that there might be chance that this is permanent. That him and Connor could be a happy couple together. Jude would love to actually find a loving relationship.

"What are you thinking about Jude?" Connor noticed Jude's thinking face.

"About how much I like your hand in my hand." Jude said truthfully. "No one has really held my hand before. Even if we aren't an item, it's nice."

Connor didn't respond, he just nodded and kept leading him to the dorms.

"Are we going to my dorm?" Jude glanced at the young adult next to him.

"How about we go to mine?" Connor responded quickly. "I'm sure you have enough bad memories in your dorm."

"Sure, if that's what you want." Jude smiled at the older adult. "Oh, but Dylan." All the memories came back of Dylan and what he tried doing to Jude.

"What about Dylan?" Connor looked back at Jude when they started crossing the street to get to the dorm.

"He's not the biggest fan of me." Jude spared the fact that Dylan almost jumped him.

"Well yeah, that's because he has a crush on me and you're a threat."

"So you know that he has a crush on you."

"I mean look at me Jude. I have ever woman and man lusting for me." Connor had wide grin on his face that made Jude laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, you're so full of yourself."

"Look at these biceps though." Connor started to flex his free arm and Jude in fact drooled over those arms.

"O-okay, I think I got the point." Jude couldn't lie to himself, he definitely wanted to be wrapped in those arms when he wakes up. "What are you like a national weight lifter or something?" Jude laughed when he spoke this.

"Nah, but I can bench 220."

"Wait, I think you've said that to me before."

"I did, that day you were really, really sick." Connor smiled. "I picked you up off your feet and I began walking you back to your dorm. Then you got sick again and passed out." Connor looked concerned. "What happened that day? Do you know why you were so sick?"

"Anxiety is what I'm guessing. It was probably a panic attack and I probably passed out because I was dehydrated." Jude waved off the event like nothing happened.

"Jude."

Jude quickly turned to Connor.

"Jude, um, do you want to go see a movie or something?" Jude's head turned.

"Like a date?" Jude's mouth was wide open. "Are you asking me out on a date, Stevens?"

"I think I am. Please say yes." Connor stared mouth open at Jude.

"Fuck yes Connor." Jude said with the enthusiasm of a 5 year old. Jude leaned into Connor and kissed his cheek.

"Alright, then how's tonight?"

"Perfect." Jude and Connor smiled at each other.

It's happening. Jude thought. It's finally happening.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: I Want No Other, No Other Lover

 **A/N: Guys I love you soooooo much! Please enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

Jude ran back to his dorm leaving Connor behind. If they were going on a date tonight, then Jude was definitely going to change his clothes into something a little nicer. What he had on currently wasn't that bad but, he was trying to impress Connor. The only issue was the fact that he had no idea what to wear.

"Can't be too dressy." Jude reasoned. "Connor might think I'm obsessed with him and run away while he has the chance." Jude laughed to himself. "Button up and tie is out of the game."

We're just going to a movie, really there's no big deal. Jude thought to himself. Maybe some fast food afterwards. No big deal. Just hanging out. With a really attractive guy. Who might be attracted to Jude.

Jude was officially freaking out causing him to pace the small dorm, over and over again.

Jude was so panicky that he didn't hear the door to his room open. Jude stopped pacing to look at himself in the mirror that was on the wall next to his bed. Jude approached the mirror and stared at himself in the glass when he noticed the other person in the room.

Jude let out the loudest scream imaginable when he turned to face the person.

"Jude!" The person yelled at Jude as he was running to the lamp to use it as a weapon. "Jude! Jude! It's me!" The voice yelled again, which made Jude lower the lamp staring at the assailant. "Holy fuck Jude." Jude stared at the women and saw that it was Callie.

"Callie, you scared the living shit out of me!" Jude released the breath he was holding. "I was totally going to clock you!"

"I can tell." Callie gave a small smile. "I trained you well." Callie straightened her stance.

"What are you doing here?" Jude ran to his older sister and hugged her. "God I miss you Callie."

"I miss you too. I'm in town and I wanted to see my baby brother." Callie released herself from Jude's hug. "Well two of my brothers anyways."

"Yeah! Zeus got a house. Can you believe it?"

"I'm aware. I happen to be on the habitants in this said house."

"Seriously?" Callie simply nodded.

"Yeah I have a job close to here now, so I thought it'd be best to move. Jesus was looking for someone to move in with him, so I took the opportunity."

"That's amazing Callie. Is there any other news I should know about?"

"Well…" Callie began.

"What?"

"I'm pregnant." Callie said bluntly.

"Stop lying." Jude replied, Callie not showing any sign of lying. "Callie!" Jude gave his legendary death glare.

"Jeez Jude! Don't look at me like that. I'm just kidding, don't worry." Callie was laughing.

"This is no laughing matter." Jude did the best pout he could muster, slightly tapping Callie's arm. This made Callie roll her eyes.

"Enough about me." Callie smiled mischievously. "Jesus tells me you have a boyfriend."

"He is not my boyfriend. Yet." Jude said 'yet' quietly.

"That's right, Jesus referred to him as your… What was it? Oh I remember. Your boy toy."

"Oh my god. Please don't ever say that again." Jude shuttered. "Look we're going out on a date tonight, and we'll go from there." Jude reasoned mostly to himself than Callie.

"Ooh did you say a date?" Callie was visibly surprised. "Jude that's great, proud of ya." Callie gave her younger brother another hug.

"Callie…You're…Squeezing…" Callie let go.

"Sorry, I'm just excited for you. My baby bro going on dates and stuff." Callie saw the pile of clothes on Jude's bed. "So, what are the plans for the date?"

"We're just going to the movies."

"Well he sounds cheap."

"Well, we're in college." Jude mumbled. "And it's not like he's paying for me."

"Did he ask you out on this date?" Jude slowly nodded his head up and down. "Then you better make him pay for you."

"That's so old fashioned Callie. If things work out then we can buy each other stuff then, but this is our first date."

"Well, I'm old fashioned. And I guess I like getting stuff for free." Callie crossed her arms.

"Whatever, get with the times grandma." Jude sassed.

"Who are you calling grandma?" Callie had a playful smile. "This grandma can still beat you up, you know."

"Whatever." Jude gave a dismissive wave. "If you're here, you might as well help me pick out an outfit."

"That's more of Mariana's forte."

"Well seeing as Mariana's not here." Jude took Callie's hand and dragged her to the pile of clothes. "What do you think of these?"

Callie eyed the outfits and turned to her brother. "Your choices here suck." Callie spoke bluntly. "I mean, these outfits don't even go together." Callie turned back around to the clothes and grabbed a while polo handing it to Jude. "No wait." Callie took the shirt back.

"Callie, just choose something."

"Shhh, I'm listening to my inner Mariana."

Jude watched as Callie glared at the clothing in front of her.

"Next time you see Mariana, tell her to bring you clothes shopping." Callie grabbed a white American Eagle T-shirt that had grey sleeves. "This." Callie shoved the t-shirt into Jude. "Annnnd." Callie searched through his pants, not finding what she wanted

"And?" Jude asked impatiently, watching Callie continue to glare at the clothing. "Callie?" Callie glanced at Jude with an evil smile.

"Where are those green skinny jeans I bought you?"

"I am not wearing those." Jude jumped out of his skin and the thought of those jeans. His face was red.

"Jude their perfect for this situation."

"On the first date?"

"They show off your _assets_." Callie put emphasis on the word assets. "Jude trust me on this one."

"Callie, I swear to god." Jude glared as he turned to his dresser. "He's going to think I'm some hipster whore or something." Jude rummaged through his dresser. "I don't think I even brought them with me." Jude lied, Callie went into his closet and pulled them out immediately.

"Here they are." Callie spoke with a winning smile.

"Dammit." Jude muttered as Callie handed him the pants. "Do you want me to wear a jockstrap too?" Jude sassed.

"Jude come on. I don't want that image." Callie put her hands to her ears and closed her eyes for about half a second. "Wait, do you own one?"

"No!" Jude spoke too quickly and too loudly making Callie laugh.

"Oh my god you do! Wait till your boyfriend finds out you're a total freak." Callie winked at Jude.

"Callie. No. Just…No" Jude's face was as red as a tomato.

Jude started to take off his pants when he noticed Callie was still watching him. Jude cleared his throat hoping Callie would take the hint, but she didn't.

"Callie."

"Hm?"

"I need to change."

"I've seen you in your boxers before." Jude's pants were on the floor now.

"Yeah well if I'm going to wear skinny jeans, I have to wear different boxers. Something that's probably a little more form fitting." Jude sighed.

"Oh." Callie raised an eyebrow and turned around so she wasn't facing her brother.

"Can you at least go to the kitchen and wait?" Jude begged.

"Oh my god Jude. It's not that big of a deal." Callie walked towards the 'kitchen.'

"Look it's kind of awkward when your big sister is in your room when you're naked." Jude removed his current boxers, pulling out another pair, putting it on in one quick motion.

"Should I bring up the tenth grade incident?"

Callie!" Jude groaned. "That was one time and I'm decent enough." Callie walked back into the room and looked Jude up and down.

"Think those boxers are tight enough?" Jude stuck his tongue out at Callie.

"You're the one who wants me in these jeans."

"No, your boy toy does." Callie wiggled her eyebrows.

"Stop calling him that. He has a name." Jude started pulling the jeans up. "God, why am I doing this?" Callie rolled her eyes.

"His name's Colton right?"

"Connor." Jude corrected as he removed his shirt. "Connor Stevens."

"Oh is he the guy on the baseball team? I heard he's pretty good."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's on the team."

"That means that he wears baseball pants." Callie gave her playful smile as she winked.

"Callie seriously? Come on." Jude walked to his bed where the shirt was. "Besides I don't know a single thing about baseball." Jude sighed. "Or any sport really."

"Well that's okay Jude. Connor can teach you everything." Jude raised his eyebrow when turned to face Callie.

Jude's door opened quickly as the blonde entered the room. Much to Jude's displeasure he was still shirtless, giving Connor the opportunity to look Jude up and down.

"Wow." Connor mumbled to himself.

"I'll take that as my cue to leave." Callie had the biggest smile on her face as she interrupted Connor's daydream. Callie began to walk out the door when she stopped next to Connor to whisper something to him. Jude couldn't make out what she said but it was quite evident on Connor's face that Callie threatened him.

That look of pure fear. It made Jude giggle. Callie just had that effect with people for some reason.

Jude also used the time to throw on the shirt that Callie picked out. "So I see you met my sister." Jude walked past Connor so he could get to the restroom. Jude wanted to make sure his hair was okay.

"Yeah." Connor sounded scared making Jude come out of the restroom worried.

"Did she scare you that badly?"

"Let's just hope this is a good date." Connor tried smiling which made Jude smile. Connor took another long look at Jude. "You look great by the way." Connor added only making Jude's grin wider.

"Th-thanks Connor. Uh. Are you ready?" Connor stared for another moment.

"Can I kiss you?" The question threw Jude all kinds of off. He knew he made a confused face. "Sorry didn't mean to say that out loud." Connor stared at the ground.

"Yes you did." Jude spoke calmly, surprising himself. "And if this date goes well, then you can kiss me, all you want." Jude reached for Connor's hand with a pleasant smile. "Let's go."

Connor took the hand and left the small dorm room.

"Oh and Connor."

"Yeah Jude?"

"You're cute when you're flustered." Connor's face became really red.


	14. Chapter 14

What is Love?

Chapter Fourteen: This is your Life, but it's our Time

"My sister told me that I should make you pay for everything tonight. I don't agree." Jude was trying his hardest to make small talk.

"Well your sister is right. I get to pay since I asked you out tonight." Connor had his winning smile on.

"Well I really don't want you to pay for me tonight."

"Too late." Connor pulled two movie tickets out of his pocket. Jude's mouth dropped.

"How did you have time to get those?"

"You can buy tickets at the school office." Connor squeezed Jude's hand. "I hope you like cuddling in small movie theater seats."

"Why?" Jude loved cuddling, with Connor anyways.

"Well, I hear this movie is pretty scary. I don't do well with scary." Connor laughed nervously rubbing the back of his head.

"Then why did you get tickets to a horror movie?" Jude laughed.

"I figured if I was scared enough, you might hold me." Something in Connor's eyes were pleading for an answer.

"You are a dork." Jude point out.

"Well I'm a cute dork then." Connor let go of Jude's hand. He stopped moving and put his hand on his hips and stared into the sky. "You can call me Super Dork."

"Alright Super Dork. Now give me your hand back, mine wants a friend." Connor laughed at Jude's statement.

"And I'm the dork?" Jude stuck his tongue out.

"If you keep teasing me, I guess I won't have to hold you during the movie." Jude shrugged and started walking away, sass in his step.

"Juuuddddeeee Nooooo." Connor ran back to Jude and grabbed his hand. "Don't do that to me." Connor was pouting making Jude laugh.

"Okay." Jude gave a cheeky smile. "You can have one kiss now." Connor's eyes lit up.

"Can I save it for later?"

"No, you cannot you dork."

"Super Dork." Connor corrected. "And fine." Connor leaned in and gave Jude a quick peck, leaving Jude wanting more.

"You call that a kiss?" Jude joked.

"Can I get another shot?" Connor was giving a mischievous smile.

"Ehhhh" Jude pretended to think about it. "No." Connor immediately pouted. "Still no."

"You're such a heartbreaker Jude." Connor gripped his chest where his heart was. Jude pretended to be offended by making a gasping noise.

"I have a certain set of skills and I exploit them well." Jude grabbed Connor's hand back and played with it. This time Jude leaned in and gave Connor a peck, smiling as he pulled away.

"Get a room you fags!" Connor and Jude turned to see an old man yelling at them.

"Mind your own business, hetero!" Connor yelled back quickly turning to Jude. "Kiss me again." Jude leaned in and kissed Connor's lips, feeling Connor kiss back. Jude grabbed the back of Connor's head trying to deepen the kiss. This for some odd reason made Jude moan making Connor stop kissing. "Did you just?"

"I think I did." Jude was shocked himself.

"We were just kissing."

"Apparently very well."

"Damn, I knew I was good, but damn, I'm great." Connor had the biggest smile on his face.

"Don't get too full of yourself." Jude gave another peck and continued to walk. "And did you call that guy hetero?"

"Yeah, I couldn't think of an insult. That was the first thing that came to mind."

"Yeah you're a Super Dork alright." Connor did the dramatic pose again.

"Okay, well we passed the movie theater." Connor noted pulling Jude in the right direction. Jude fell into Connor making both the men fall onto the ground.

In this moment Jude felt the world slow around him. Connor moved his arms so they were holding Jude around the waist. Connor's arms made Jude feel safe. Jude could feel Connor's heartbeat against his chest. In this moment, Jude was connected to him, Jude was so lost in this man.

"You okay?" Connor brought Jude back to reality. Slowly helping Jude get off him.

"Just got lost for a second." Jude smiled confidently. "Let's go, we have some cuddling to do." Jude pulled Connor towards the movie theater with a new found enthusiasm.

"Fuck yeah!" Connor chirped.

The movie was absolutely boring. But that's not what the men were paying attention to. They were more focused on their lips on each other and the cuddling. Jude loved the cuddling with Connor. They were so lost in each other to even notice that the movie had ended. They were interrupted in one of their kissing sessions by an employee trying to clean the now empty movie showroom.

After the interruption, they gripped their hands together again and began to leave.

"Okay," Jude started. "you're doing great so far." Jude smiled. "This night has been magical and all that other cliché shit. But I'm hungry." Jude gave a small smile that turned into a pout when his stomach growled.

"Don't worry Judicorn, I'll feed you." Connor smiled and poked Jude's stomach. "However, I do not know what you'd like to eat."

"I'd like to point out how sexual that sounded. Also don't call me Judicorn, I'll beat you." Jude gave a glare.

Connor grabbed Jude's waist. "How do you know, I might like to get beat." Jude rolled his eyes as Connor rubbed his forehead against Jude's.

"Well first off, you're not fighting fair." Jude pushed his lips again Connor's quickly.

"Mmmm." Connor smiled into the kiss. "I don't fight fair." Connor's stomach began to make weird noises which made Connor remove himself. "I'm hungry too." Jude laughed a little.

"Well pick somewhere, Super Dork."

"Why do I have to pick?"

"Because you asked me on this date, dork." Jude lightly punched Connor's arm.

"Super Dork." Connor corrected once again. "Since I asked you on this date, shouldn't we go somewhere you'd like?" Jude shrugged at that statement. It was becoming quite evident that neither of the boys have been on a real date.

"How about we go to my dorm and grab some of my ramen cups. We can back to your dorm and do something there."

"Something?" Connor's eyebrows went up and down.

"Don't get your hopes up fuckboy." Jude laughed.

"I'm going to ignore that fact you called me that." Connor rolled his eyes. "Why my dorm?"

"Because you stayed in my dorm last time. And also, I don't want to run into Josh making out with some girl again. It always happens." Jude shuttered.

"Alright by me. I'd like to sleep with you again." Connor gave a slight smile.

"Don't get any ideas." Jude pointed at Connor when an idea struck Jude. "Let's have a Star Wars marathon!"

"I don't own any of the Star Wars movies." Connor glanced at Jude. "Do you?"

"All eight of them!" **(A/N: If we follow the timeline of them being 18 then that would be 2018, two more Star Wars movies are supposed to be out by then. Whoops I'm a Star Wars nerd.)** "We can start with Phantom Menace tonight!"

"A little bit of a fan, you are." Connor smiled to himself. "What I did there, you see?"

"Please stop, you make a horrible Yoda. And I'm not just a fan." Jude smiled at the Hazel eyed boy. "I'm a crazy fanatic."

"Isn't fan short for fanatic?" Jude walking and thought for a second.

"I guess so. But I felt like it made a stronger point." Jude his hand from Connor's and crossed his arms. This earned a pout from Connor.

"Juuudddeeee." Connor whined.

"Connor." Jude had an evil smile.

"Gimme your hand." Connor pleaded.

"Jeez you're so needy." Jude laughed but Connor grabbed Jude's shoulders.

"You're right, I am needy. I need you." Connor was staring into Jude's eyes.

"You need me?" Jude gave a nervous laugh. "I think the word you're looking for is want."

"No Jude. I didn't say want. I said I need you." Connor leaned in and gave Jude a sweet kiss. "When I'm with you, I can be myself. I don't care what people think when I'm with you Jude." Connor took a breath of air. "Jude." Connor paused leaving time for Jude to initiate a kiss.

"Connor what's going on between us?" Jude spoke into the kiss. "Is this love?" Jude asked to a chuckling Connor.

"Dammit Jude." Connor smiled. "Please be my fucking boyfriend." Jude smiled and grabbed the back of Connor's head to pull him into Jude's lips. They kissed for what felt like an eternity until they head someone clearing their throat.

They pulled away from each to see who was interrupting their moment. Jude saw the man first and hid behind Connor.

"Hey Dill!" Connor spoke in a cheery tone, oblivious to Jude's fear. Dylan didn't respond at first, he stared, no glared at Jude.

"What the hell Connor?" Dylan yelled. "You've known him for a week, and you're making out with him in public? What the fuck?!" Dylan's words were filled with venom, but at the same time he sounded broken. "You fell in love with that annoying mess?!" Dylan spat.

"What the hell Dylan?!" Connor yelled back. "Who are you to decide who I fall in love with?"

"Fuck you Connor!" Dylan pointed at Connor. "And Fuck you!" His finger moved towards Jude, before he stormed off.

"What the fuck is his deal?" Connor questioned.

"He really liked you Connor. Are you really that oblivious?" Jude asked.

"Well I don't care. Anyone who acts like that isn't getting my affection."

"I'm pretty sure that's how I acted when I first met you." Jude gave a small laugh.

"Yeah but that was my fault for that." Connor ran a hand through his hair. "We're going to your dorm tonight." Jude giggled and closed the space between them.

"Yeah, probably safer to see Josh making out with some girl than get jumped by your roommate."

"Yeah." Connor kissed Jude. "I hope you're ready for more cuddling."

"Ughhh, again." Jude groaned before showing a smile.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen: But when we're Together, I need you Forever

Cuddling wasn't the only thing that happened that night. They didn't plan on doing the deed but it just seemed to happen. They were watching Star Wars in Jude's bed and they were snuggling next to each other and next thing you know, they're going at it.

Jude officially lost his virginity and to the hottest baseball player on the team. Jude one, world zero. Jude had officially faced his fear of sex.

Jude was loving everything about the moment now. He was cuddled up next to the hazel eyed boy. Jude being the big spoon, held onto Connor's waist, feeling every small breath coming out of Connor's lungs.

And every time Jude took a breath, he could smell Connor's familiar scent. Was this heaven, because Jude swore this is what it'd feel like?

Although all good things must come to an end, especially when there was an alarm clock yelling at Jude to wake up. Jude really didn't want to risk waking Connor up but there was no chance of that now with the alarm clock screaming. The older man began to squirm in Jude's arms. This made Jude get out of the bed and hit the alarm clock, with maybe just too much force. That's what the alarm clock gets for ruining this moment.

"Mmm." Came from Connor and Jude gave a small giggle. God this guy was so cute, and reminded him of a puppy. "Come back." Connor whined making Jude giggle some more. Definitely a puppy.

Jude didn't waste any time and jumped back into the bed and snuggled with the baseball player. Connor turned around so he was facing Jude in the embrace, and threw his leg around Jude's leg. "You're not leaving again." Connor spoke into Jude's chest.

"Fine by me." Jude kissed the top of Connor's head and closed his eyes. Connor was snoring slightly within seconds. Jude couldn't help but smile thinking about how easily Connor slept. Jude slowly moved his fingers to graze Connor's soft skin. It wasn't much longer till Jude was asleep again.

A couple weeks later…

"Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude."

"WHAT?!" Jude yelled as he jumped out the bed to face Josh. "I'm trying to sleep!"

"Mmm." Connor grumbled still in Jude's bed. He's been making it a habit to sleep with Jude, since the whole Dylan outburst. Not that Jude minded the sharing of his bed, but to be far the bed was really small and already uncomfortable with one person. "Stop yelling." Connor moaned.

"And now you woke Connor up. Guess I better make some coffee." Jude started to walk to the kitchen area and started the tap water.

"Jude you are literally naked." Josh spoke flatly as he stared in the other direction. Jude looked down at himself and looked back up to Josh. Jude gave a yelp and hid his junk behind his hands.

"Oh my god. Connor, where is my underwear?" Jude could feel the embarrassment flowing through his body. Connor didn't respond so Jude tried again, raising his voice. "Connor! Where is my underwear?"

"I'm wearing them." Connor spoke half asleep.

"Why are you wearing his underwear?" Josh asked.

"Why are you wearing my underwear?" Jude asked, probably a little bit more curious than Josh. This is new to Jude. "Josh turn around." Jude ordered his roommate and he complied.

Jude made a dash to his dresser and found a pair and rushed to put them on. Nearly falling in the process. "Okay, I'm dressed. Connor." A snore came from the bed. "Dammit Connor." Jude mumbled under his breath. He walked to the bed they were sharing and fell onto the bed. "Connor babe." Connor kept snoring.

"Did you guys do the do last night?" Josh asked behind Jude, obviously trying not to stare.

"What? No! You were in the room last night." Jude was appalled by question. How did he think that Connor and Jude would manage to do the deed and not wake Josh up?

"Just curious. I've done it in here once when you were in here." Jude turned, facing Josh now with the most confused expression he could summon.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. Actually I'm going to pretend you're not here now." Something touched Jude's butt. "Eep." Jude jumped towards Josh nearly knocking the other man down.

"I touched the butt." Connor sounded accomplished as he laid sideways in the bed. Connor had the heart shattering smile on and Jude melted at the sight. "And your underwear is really comfortable." Connor closed his eyes.

"Okay sleepy head." Jude jumped on top of Connor and the two began to wrestle with each other. Jude heard Josh trying to get their attention but he didn't really care at this point, he was in his own world, the one where Connor was with him.

Connor finally got the upper hand on Jude making sure he was on top of him. "Look I might be the bottom in this relationship, I'm still stronger."

"Jesus, I don't want to hear this." Josh threw his hands up to his ears.

"Mhm, keep telling yourself that." Jude wrapped his legs around Connor and flipped him over so that he was on top again. This time he leaned in and gave a kiss on Connor's forehead.

"You're not fighting fair." Connor leaned in this time initiating a kiss on Jude's lips. "But I guess I don't mind too much."

"Guys, I'm standing right here!"

"We've seen you make out with girls before. You'll live if you see us being cute with each other." Jude smiled at Josh and then turned his attention back to Connor. This time he attacked Connor's neck with his lips.

"Seriously guys, I woke you up for a reason."

"Joshua, I swear to god, if you interrupt Jude one more time."

"You're late for class!" Jude and Connor looked at each other quickly before jumping off the bed.

"What time is it?!" Jude yelled, not really meaning to.

"It was 10:55 when I tried waking you up." Josh rolled his eyes as he walked towards the door. "I'm done being the alarm clock in this relationship." Josh joked as he reached the door.

"Daria is going to kill us if we're late again." Connor whispered to Jude.

"I know, she probably won't cover for us anymore." Connor kissed Jude one last time before rushing to find some clothes. Jude noticed he was still wearing his underwear. "Hey Connor, you look better in compression shorts."

"Those are so uncomfortable though. Can I borrow a shirt?"

"Are you going to steal my whole wardrobe?"

"Probably." Connor started going through Jude's clothes. "But, nothing is going to fit me." Jude smiled and approached Connor while he was still facing the dresser.

"I'm imagining you in my clothes. And all I'm seeing is buff Connor Stevens in a really tight t-shirt. Showing off all his muscles." Jude ran hand down Connor's arm.

"Well someone's frisky this morning." Connor smiled again.

"Nope, just wanted to tease you for grabbing my butt." Jude smacked Connor's butt hard before walking over to his closet.

"Babe, don't be like that." Connor was smiling as he pulled something out of the dresser. He looked at the tag and decided he wanted to try it on. "Wait isn't this my shirt?" Connor threw it over his head immediately. Jude turned while he was putting a shirt on of his own. "Yeah, this is definitely my shirt. Did you steal this from my room?"

"Look, I have my kinks and you have yours." Jude gave a playful smile. "And you're wearing my underwear. I don't want to hear it." Jude walked over to where Connor was standing and grabbed a pair of cargo shorts from the dresser. Connor was putting on his jeans from the previous day when Jude gazed at him. "How's Dylan doing?" Connor gave a glance before looking at the ground again.

"He won't talk to me anymore. Not at practice, not when I go back our room. I don't know Jude, I really hurt him." Connor looked like he was the one who got hit. "It's been nearly 3 weeks and he still won't talk to me." Connor muttered to himself.

"I'm sure he'll come around Connor. Everything works out for the better." Connor gave a half smile before closing the space between them.

"Kiss the pain away?"

"You're in pain?" Jude became legitimately worried. "Where?" Jude grabbed Connor's arm and began examining it.

"Not physical pain Jude. Emotional. I'm just upset I hurt him, you know?" Connor grabbed Jude's shoulder and leaned into the younger male. "I don't want to hurt people Jude." Jude snaked his arms around Connor and brought him into a hug.

"Okay, well, you need to talk to him, and try to work this out." Connor leaned his head into Jude's shoulder moving his hands to Jude's back. "Connor, the whole world can't like you, as much as you'd like them to. Although anyone who doesn't like you is an idiot."

"Jude we need to get to class." Connor released himself from the hug giving Jude a quick peck on the lips. "And fast, we're already late enough." Connor tried his best to pull a fake smile, but Jude saw past it.

"We don't have to go." Jude threw the idea out.

"We missed last week, we need to go." Connor was right of course, they can't miss two weeks in a row and expect Daria to give them all the notes. "Let's go." Connor held his hand out waiting for Jude to take it.

When they walked out the dorm what they saw was a shock. In the dorm hallway there was a couple of paramedics outside of a dorm down the hall. Jude looked over to Connor and saw the look of fear on his face. Jude quickly turned back around at the room and saw that the paramedics were carrying Dylan out on a stretcher.

"Oh my god." Were the only words Jude could mumble before Connor ran towards the other man.


	16. Chapter 16

What is Love? Chapter Sixteen

 **I want to apologize for this chapter right now. Honestly I'm crying right now and I can't believe I wrote this. But anyways I want to warn you that this has blood, hospital and self-hatred thoughts. I LOVE YOU GUYS, SO PLEASE, IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO, PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE TO TALK TO ME. MY INBOX IS ALWAYS OPEN FOR YOU GUYS. Alright enjoy Chapter 16.**

"Dylan! Dylan! Oh my god!" Connor went chasing after the paramedics and Jude stood frozen in place. Jude's head turned from where Connor was running and to Connor's old dorm. His feet started moving before he realized where they were going. When Jude reached the room, there was a paramedic in the room looking around the ground.

"Wh-wh-what-t-t happ-pend." Jude struggled to get every word out. The room was an absolute mess. Clothes all over the floor. Glass shattered on the ground. Blood on the floor. "Oh my god." Jude whispered the words aloud as he examined the room.

"You can't be in here." The paramedic quickly stood up and began to push Jude out of the room.

"Wait, this is my boyfriend's roommate. Can-can I get some clothes for Dill?" Jude stared at the paramedic afraid of looking at the room again.

"Sorry kid, you need to go." The paramedic blocked the door with his body.

"Ca-can you te-tell me where they're bringing him?" Jude's mind was scrambled and he tried not to scream.

"They should be bringing him to Mercy." Jude turned around and started walking, albeit at a slow pace, he feel like he was going to faint. The world was spinning and his vision got fuzzy as he dragged down the hall.

Jude walked back to his room and sat on his bed and brought his phone out of his pocket. The first person he dialed was Josh. When he clicked the call button it only took two rings before Josh answered. "Hello?" Jude couldn't speak. "Jude, are you there?"

"J-j-osh, Dil-dylan, he-he-help."

"Jude, calm down okay? What's going on?" You could hear the panic in Josh's voice. "Where are you?"

"Ro-ro-room. He-help." Jude goggled at the wall next to Dylan's bed. His hand was shaking badly as he waited for a reply from Josh.

"Okay, I'm on my way Jude. Just hang on okay?" The phone ended the call but Jude's hand didn't move. It remained next to his ear as tears began streaming down his face.

"Dyl-Dylan. Dylan. Dylan." Jude began practicing the boy's name, picturing the blood on the floor of Connor and Dylan's room. "Dylan tr-tried ki-ki-killing himse-self." The thought wasn't processing through Jude's head. He stood up and immediately fell. His legs weren't strong enough to hold him, so he leaned himself against his bed.

'Oh my god. This is my fault. He tried killing himself, because of me. Oh my god. Oh my god.' Jude looked at his arm and saw old scars from his childhood. Jude's tears transformed into sobs. 'He literally tried killing himself. Oh my god.' Jude tried lifting himself but his arms weren't strong enough still. 'Connor is going to hate me. Connor is going to blame this all on you. It should've been you who tried to kill themselves.'

Jude started coughing, choking on his sobs. He became so weak that he fell over onto his left side and laid onto the ground.

"Jude!?" Josh ran into his room, panting heavily. "Jude!" Josh saw him on the ground and ran over falling to his knee. Josh tried making eye contact with Jude, but Jude wasn't responding to him. Josh ended up grabbing Jude's shoulders and lifted him up so Jude was sitting against the bed frame again. "Jude talk to me. What is going on?"

"Dyl-dylan." Was the only thing that escaped Jude's mouth.

"What happened, what did he do? Where's Connor?" Jude moved his head into his hands. "Did he hurt you? JUDE TALK TO ME!" Josh raised Jude's head so that Jude's eyes were staring into Josh's.

"Mercy." Jude fell into Josh, tears soaking through Josh's shirt. Jude wrapped his arms around Josh and began to cry a little harder, but most of Jude's tears were gone. Josh wrapped his arms around Jude and began to rub up and down Jude's back.

"What is Mercy? Do you mean the hospital?" Jude shook his head up and down in Josh's shoulder. "Okay let's get up and we'll get you…"

"No!" Jude screamed into Josh's shoulder. "No, he-he-he hates me-me." Josh started to lift Jude up anyways.

"Look, let's just go to Mercy and I'll have Taylor and Daria meet us there. Obviously something is going on there." Josh moved his arm underneath Jude's armpit so that he was supporting him as they walked. "Okay let's just get to my car and, uh, once we're there I'll call Taylor and Daria. Okay? Okay." Josh began talking, although Josh sounded like he was talking to himself.

Josh led Jude to the elevator when a memory flashed into Jude's head. The memory of when Dylan tried jumping Jude in the elevator. 'This is my fault. This is my fault.' The thought kept flying through Jude's mind as they entered the elevator. Everything in Jude's body just felt numb and he wanted to fall again, and probably would've if Josh wasn't holding him up.

"Josh." Jude mumbled, barely audible.

"What is it?"

"Dylan. Kill. Himself." Jude tried to piece everything together for Josh, but he could barely get the words out.

"What?"

"Dylan. Try. Kill..."

"Oh my god." Josh cut Jude off, finally catching what Jude was saying. "Oh my god, is Connor with him?" Jude only nodded. "Okay, okay, uh, oh my god. What do we do?" It became evident that Josh was panicking and it was not helping Jude's situation.

"My. Fault." Jude said aloud.

"What?" Josh nearly scared Jude.

"My. Fault. He. Hu-hurt…"

"NO! Don't say that!" Josh squeezed Jude closer to his body. "Look, this is not your fault. Okay? Jude! Okay?" Jude didn't respond. Once the doors opened to the elevator, Josh began dragging Jude again.

"No. no. no." Jude started to fight back Josh's attempts to drag him, but Josh was obviously stronger. "I-i-i-i-I can't. No, no, no." Jude started to push back at Josh, still Josh overpowered him.

"Jude calm down!" Josh yelled trying to get through to Jude. "God dammit Jude, Connor needs you!" Jude was shaking his head no. "CONNOR. NEEDS. YOU." Josh spoke every word slowly. Josh made sure to get his point across to Jude, even if Jude didn't want to hear it. "Jude. Connor." Josh started rushing even quicker going across the campus to get to the spot where his car was parked.

"Josh." Josh didn't respond this time. "Too tight." Josh's grip had become harder when he found out the reasoning of what's going on.

"I'm sorry Jude. I'm sorry." Josh loosened his group a little, but Jude took the opportunity to remove Josh's arm around him all together. Jude began to walk by himself, albeit a little slouched. "You okay to walk by yourself." Jude nodded continuing to watch his feet as he took measured steps.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." With every step Jude took, he mumbled. When Jude began to look up he quickly realized that he was already at Josh's car. The blue 2005 Chevy had definitely seen better days, but it did its job.

"Jude get in, I'm going to call Taylor and Daria." Josh handed Jude the keys so that he could get the car started. Jude opened the passenger side door and fell inside the tiny car. Jude leaned over ever so slightly to put the keys into the ignition turning the keys to hear the car come to life. Once he was satisfied with the car running, Jude leaned back into the seat and stared out the window.

Jude kept seeing the blood every time he blinked. At this point Jude couldn't cry anymore, he could only shut his eyes and try not to scream his lungs out. Jude started punching the dashboard in front of him, feeling the pain rush through his hand. Any thought he might have had convincing him this was a dream was now gone.

"FUCK!" Jude screamed aloud, he noticed that Josh jumped, meaning that Josh heard him. Jude punched the dashboard one more time. "FUCK!"

"Jude, stop! You're going to hurt yourself!" Josh had opened the passenger side door. "Taylor is going to call Daria. They'll meet us at the hospital." Josh slammed the door shut and ran around the front of the car to reach the driver's side of the car opening the door as soon as he got to the other side.

Josh threw his seatbelt on and looked over at Jude. "Jude, seatbelt." Jude didn't move he only sat still and stared out the side window, looking at himself in the mirror. "Jude." Jude continued to ignore Josh, causing Josh to lean over the gear shift and grabbing the seatbelt and wrapping it around Jude. "Hold on, because I'm going to break some speed laws."

Josh wasn't lying because the normal 15 minute drive to Mercy took about 7 and half minutes. And in that 7 minutes Jude had time to think about what to do. As soon as Josh pulled into a parking spot, Jude threw his door open and ran. Ran full sprint towards the entrance of the hospital. Jude nearly knocked a lady over when he ran in. The first place he went was the lady who was sitting behind a glass frame.

"Hello love, how can I help you?" The lady spoke eyeing Jude as he panted to catch his breath. Josh came running behind Jude.

"Dylan, Dylan, Dylan." Jude was panting.

"Dylan, he tried committing suicide." Josh finished. "We were told he's being rushed here."

"Yes, he just arrived, there's another boy with him."

"Is he okay?!" Jude practically yelled at the women. "Can I see him?! Where is he?!"

"Jude calm down, breathe." Josh put a hand on Jude's shoulder.

"He's stable. The doctors will take good care of him. He's only allowed to have two visitors so one of you will need to wait here."

"Jude you go, Connor needs you. I'll wait on Tay and Daria." Josh had a look of determination that Jude couldn't reject.

"Okay, he's in room 20, if you go past these doors and turn left, and then turn right, room 20 should be right there." The lady had a small smile, but Jude could see it was hiding her sadness.

"Thank you." Jude spoke quickly as he rushed through those doors following the nurse's directions. He passed several rooms finally reaching the room numbered 20. Jude took a deep breath before walking into the small room.

Connor was sitting in the chair across from the bed. His knees were up to his head as he sat there. Connor didn't notice Jude come in until he sat next to Connor.

"Jude." Connor whined removing himself from the sitting position he was in. Jude quickly picked up on the fact that Dylan was not in the room. Connor leaned into Jude, Jude wrapped his arms around Connor holding him close. "What did I do?"

"Nothing. Nothing Connor." Jude kissed the top of Connor's head. "He'll get through this Connor, don't worry. He'll get through this." Tears started falling down Jude's face again.


End file.
